Tag Archives: collaboration skills

Collaboration Skills

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“It is the long history of humankind those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.” – Charles Darwin

 

With the advancement of modern society and culture there have been remarkable adjustments within previously well-defined sex roles, the nature of leadership within relationships and expectations within them. Women today are by and large expecting an equitable stake in decision-making and demanding that their insights, opinions and interests be represented in most decision-making processes, while being equally insistent that the man, ‘be the man’ in the relationship. Clinging to old masculine stereo-types of leadership and decision-making agency and authority are severely outdated, and won’t be accepted or tolerated for long. How then is a man today to take the gender assigned role of leadership, to make decisions without being authoritarian and overly dominate? The answer lies squarely within the concept of ‘partnership’, which takes into account equitable stake consideration and collaboration with any decision-making process to resolve an issue. Relationships today are truly more about partnership than an a pairing.

Defining intentions

Collaborative leadership means developing compelling shared goals, and providing inspiration throughout the process. Often the initial problem or goal isn’t the issue at all, but the conflicting and unspoken criteria upon which the solution will be judge will be. Understanding what that framework is, is critical to developing mutual agreement to any given situation. This groundwork is crucial, as often the problem being addressed usurps the goal of maintaining and furthering the relationship. This will get you nowhere, quick. Having an agreed upon purpose and buy-in from your partner is essential for collaboration to work.

Discussing the problem

Learn to let go of the outcome, avoid taking it personally and focusing on the project, not your ego is necessary to clearly discuss any issue. For example, neither of you is going to give a shit if you go out for dinner and have Italian or Chinese tonight, but you will both remember how the other made you feel when coming to that decision. Being wary of breaks in the flow of communication, which occur where the flow of information is halted, as people talk and listen to each other, where one person says something that sounds critical or otherwise threatening to the other… Breaks disrupt natural harmony and problem discussion. Learn to prevent them to sort out what the real issue and objective is.

Gain an understanding of the underlying interests

Actively listen. Being able to accurately state your partner’s intent, view-point, concerns and goals with trying to solve the issue before moving on. When we collaborate, we listen deeply to everyone involved, we make sure their voices are heard, measured and appreciated. Doing so tells your partner they are valued, respected and trusted. Within that process and context new ideas and risks we take in proposing them, that normally would not have otherwise taken, can emerge as possibilities.

Learn to spot when the conversation is getting emotional

Being able to read and manage the emotions of your partner when collaborating, to make it safe again to continue meaningful dialogue, is essential to maintain collaborative flow… Turbulence in a dialogue flows occurs when negative emotions become too highly aroused. Much like a moving stream, when these turbulences become too powerful and swift they jeopardize those navigating them. Without smooth flow of information couples become frustrated, as they speak with each other and ultimately cannot make decisions together. Having an ability to skillfully exit a tensing situation and to cool a situation off and re-enter meaningful dialog is an essential collaboration skill.

Work together to invent a large number of creative solutions

Understanding each of your combine intents of stated outcome, being mutually aware of the other’s interests, and clearing the collaborative effort of breaks, roadblocks and turbulence will open up the flow of communication to provide a wide range of possible solutions. It is important to not limit this flow of ideas, concepts and proposed solutions until there have been a series of solutions to draw upon. The more that partners build upon the other’s ideas and concepts in adding and addressing value the more likely a decision can be made to please all parties involved.

Evaluate possible solutions against each other’s interests

In reducing the possibilities it is important to remember that the solution is not as important as to what it does to the relationship and your partner. Often emotional needs should be communicated here, as it will be apparent when one’s needs are not being fulfilled and any attempt to move forward will be Pyrrhic. The cornerstone of any decision should be made with full disclosure and offering of trust and respect. Without it any solution will be a poor one.

Ultimate decision maker

As with most partnerships there is a formal and informal structure and defined roles that facilitate that relationship and partnership. Often democratic and diplomatic decision-making can and does come to an impasse with conflicting needs, desires and wants stemming from a problem or answer to a potential solution. Having a pre-determined ultimate decision maker within the relationship is designed to offset these impasses. As a man and the socially, culturally and sexually expected leader within the relationship, this role should naturally fall to you. Care must be made in utilizing that role as unilateral decisions made without considering your partner are surely only going to go so far. It would be wise to have a measure of justification and pattern of decision-making when doing so. Often it isn’t a matter of what gets decided, but providing the context, consideration and good-will in the making of it that will provide enough emotional buy-in for the decision that your partner may not agree with it, but will go along with the decision with minimal friction. It is important to remember that in making these types of decisions that we have accrued an emotional bank account of good-will upon which we can draw without bankrupting the relationship.

 

Leadership as a requirement

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Leadership comes in small daily acts as well as bold strokes…

Build it and they will come.

It all begins and ends with you. You lead by example. If you can’t lead yourself, you can’t lead others. It’s as simple as that and as a consequence you will be found undesirable as a mate and relationship choice by women until you develop appropriate leadership skills. Furthermore you cannot possibly be a better leader than you are a person. Leadership starts with your character development and then progresses outward from there into your vision of yourself, your life and your relationships with others.

Pissing into the wind

Regardless of the fact that women have surpassed the equality mark, women are not inclined to transition into gender equity with regards to dating. They are loath to relinquish a system in which the males takes all or at least the majority of the risk of rejection, in initiating the courtship rituals of dating. Furthermore your failure to act upon your gender assigned role of leadership, will be judged as a fitness test to your worth and viability as a mate choice. Be it as it may, if you want that girl, you’re going to have to act and demonstrate leadership attributes… the upside is you have the power of choice. You and you alone decide with whom to initiate. That is your masculine role. Her feminine role is to judge your worthiness and merit when you do. We can rail into the wind for change, but it’s likely to do little if any good.

 The King is dead…

The concept of leadership has dramatically changed and the emphasis on hard power of authoritarian and dominance is outdated, yet social dominance plays such an important role in female attraction that manipulating this variable alone can produce dramatic improvements in a man’s life, which is why there is such a strong focus on dominance traits development and practice within the seduction community. Unfortunately these same traits do not transfer well into long-term relationship traits, due to their over-use and reliance that transcends into controlling, suffocating and stifling behavior, which is a hallmark of low emotional intelligence and a pre-cursor to many a doomed relationship. While a vibrant and useful attraction trait, social dominance should not be relied upon as a cornerstone to a healthy relationship, but as a trigger for sustained attraction within a relationship.

 Rise of soft power

Today’s knowledge economy requires and demands new leadership skills and expectations requiring vastly heightened sense of emotional intelligence, relationship skills, team building, collaborations skills, consensus building, mentoring and forging strong personal connections which is incredibly indifferent to men’s historical attributes and culturally defined role models. Many analysts are arguing that men are ill-suited for the realities of not only this new economy, but the emerging society as well, as they reflect similar skills sets. The focus today in leadership is not solely in hard powers but in enhanced relationship-driven soft powers that foster trust, respect and credibility, with a dash of hard power skills where appropriate and when needed. Often this too is done with a measure of tact and diplomacy to find mutually acceptable solutions to a common challenge, as it is widely recognized as a Pyrrhic victory otherwise; a gain from winning one negotiation can be much less than the increased hostility from other parts, resulting in an overall loss. Don’t be in a situation where you win the argument to only loose the relationship with the girl.

24/7 Communication

Arguably the most important trait for a leader is the ability to communicate effectively. They master not only the craft of language, but attitude and actions to send powerful messages as well. Communication goes well beyond words. Your behavior gives people information about your disposition, opinion or mood-regardless of the words you speak. Your inner character gets expressed outwards with corresponding consequences and ramifications. The manner in which a leader communicates reveals much about your character. It can disclose your authenticity, sincerity and virtually every other aspect of your character, not just in the moments of bold and decisive decision-making.

New Patriarchy

While feminist and culture may rail against patriarchy, ultimately it is what they expect and demand that a man takes the lead not only in initiating, but throughout a relationship. But unlike the authorial stance of old, women desire a guide and an equitable stake in the relationship without outright subordination. To successfully navigate this new complex social construct, men will have to learn a great deal more leadership skills than what typically have been previously the gender defined roles. While popular culture may rail against this, women are happier when their men are men and they are the woman in the relationship.