Tag Archives: Sexual Market Place

Relationship Dating

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Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.

It take two to tango…

Women actually expect their relationship fantasies to be born out in real life. In the SMP and society at large it is assumed that men alone are the sex abdicating their societal duty in not preparing themselves for relationships, marriage and creating families men just need to ‘man up!’. Women feel an inherent entitlement, fully supported by society, to quality men and need only show up, no matter how emotionally and spiritually broken, physically unkempt, poor mannered, burdened with irresponsible debt, poor job or career prospects, saddled with bastard children and fully expect men to have an obligation and overwhelming urge to court, pursue and marry these unfeminine, dreadful creatures and provide for them and their ill spawned prodigy. It’s echoed in the ‘where-are-all-the-good-men’ and ‘I just need a “good” man’ meme endless exposed by women and their white knight champions. The reality is that there are no good men due to a combination of increased expectations, decreased attractiveness and substandard feminine qualities, and a societal stripping of male incentives towards relationships and marriage. The standards of sexual behavior are a two-way street… as the self-proclaimed gatekeepers of sex, women are failing themselves and the men they desire utterly and in the process they are getting the men they deserve; players, deadbeats and douchebags.

Wait for Mrs. Right, not Mrs. Always Right….

Your desires matter! As a strategic matter – men should avoid those people who we can be reasonably judged as being unwilling and incapable to provide us what we want, need and deserve. They simply are not worthy of emotional investment, as they are not relationship material. As the gatekeepers of commitment men have an obligation to ourselves to tell these women who do not fit our criteria for our lives, ‘no!’. By doing so you are creating the potential to do the impossible in this day and age: pave the way for successful, stable, monogamous relationships, not with just any woman who comes along, but just the right one to suit your personality, lifestyle, tastes and preferences that is prepared and willing to commit to a healthy, fulfilling relationship. It stands to reason that men ought to entertain a prolonged period in their lives where they are open to exploring the most highly qualified options they have access to, while concurrently developing and improving themselves prior to making a commitment of any significant magnitude.

The Vagina Authority

The health of any relationship you might entertain depends and survives on the frame you enter into it with from the very beginning. A man respecting his biological prerogative will naturally put his physical/sexual needs before his emotional ones… when a man acquiesces those needs to a woman’s needs of emotionally commitment prior to establishing a sexual identity within the relationship structure, the man is effectively trapped in a her-frame relationship, otherwise known as the vagina authority, which is well-known axiom within the men’s community . When a woman has successfully negotiated and manipulated control for the relationship frame through negotiated sexual access and plays at sexuality, it is always going to color your dealings with her. She has established a conditional reward for desired behavior that lies at the crux of an intimate relationship. This is no way to go through life. Your relationship becomes an ever-present, unspoken understanding, one you helped to foster, that she can ultimately play the pussy card and you will comply. And while this may gratify her in the short-term, in achieving her desires for emotional security, she has already lost her respect for you in the long-term, as she simple doesn’t see you as a strong and confident man…the type of man she actually wants. Your first act of entering into a committed long-term relationship should not be an act of capitulation.

When women drive …relationships

When a woman states that ‘she wants to take things slow’, ‘she’s not that type of girl’, ‘she’s traditional’, it is either an active ploy of manipulation, to take control of the relationship or covert communication for “I have other options I’m weighing”, “you’re not my first and best option”, or “I’m not that into you”. Any way you slice it, you’re getting played, as the golden tenant of the SMP is that a woman will have no problem becoming sexual with you, if you exceed their attraction threshold. Sexual tension is the chemistry that binds the relationship. If sex isn’t on the table, neither should any form of commitment. Women naturally want a man who is going to take the lead and drive the direction of the relationship, that means also controlling the pace of the relationship. Only one of you should be behind the wheel of the relationship at any one time… and you both know who that should be…

Where the rubber hits the dating floor…

A man’s status, power and wealth are the historical hallmarks of a man’s value within the sexual market place, even more so than his appearance… , but it is his self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect forming his sense of self-awareness of his true value that will set a man with none of the historical hallmarks apart in the sexual market place… it essentially is his calling card.

As fellow blogger Rollo Tomassi of the Rationale Male, succinctly put it:

“There is nothing as simultaneously fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man that is self-aware of his own value.” “Feminization can’t afford men knowing their true value and potential and thus continuously seeks to confuse men and continually inspire doubt and humiliation.” “ In this regard, holding a belief that you are better than you really are will bring you more success with women than having a realistic appraisal of yourself. “ “It is vastly better to error on the side of too much boldness rather than too little…” “Touching a woman on the first date will get you further than not touching her at all…”  “Five minutes of alpha behavior will flood the female brain with excitement, arousal and interest that hours of beta supplicating behavior ever will…”

The flip side of the same coin is to never market the relationship or your over-willingness to commit. Instead, focus on how being with you fulfills their emotional needs and desires in a way that would be betrayed by dependency needs, because when there’s a good relationship forming, the pressure you feel like you’ll lose the person doesn’t exist, due to the bond, trust and respect that you’ve both mutually created. When sex is exchanged for commitment, both parties loose, as what happens when there is a competing and better offer?

“Ka-ching” Dating

The all or nothing approach to dating more often than not leads to limiting results; either their partnership material or not and is too often the parting is unseemly and unfortunate. It is also immature and unsophisticated form of dating. In the process of spreading out you efforts across a wider pool of potential candidates, focus your intent into a form of social-networking and marketing, where that is precisely the goal, that you value developing new friendships over sexual transactions or end-goal objectives of obtaining a relationship. You should create and use these personal interactions that are so extraordinary and so powerful, that the women you see socially still desire your company and become an advocate for you, and you them, as reciprocity is important in any relationship.

Ladies-Bring it!

Men will decide whether to date in search of a relationship and ultimately marriage, as opposed to dating recreationally, based upon their own personal assessment of the risks involved within the SMP, the perceived risks and attributes associated with a particular woman conveys and what they feel their sense of worth and entitlement demand for their own lives. The risks men face are extensive and run the gamut of financial, emotional, social, cultural, physical, legal and sexual. As a man, it behooves you to be fully informed about those risks, and the benefits you confer in your relationship and marriage potential. Women will need to demonstrate that they are low risk, high value, and of sterling character. That means among other things, a willingness to take their wedding vows dead seriously, and to speak out against divorce as a means of personal growths, self-expression and tapping into an unlimited supply of hypergamy ala ‘Eat, Pray, Love’…

 

Developing your game…

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“Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.”

 

Since the dawn of time…

Game has always been around. Whether it was employed in the form of ‘sneaky breeders’ from the anthropological evolutionary standpoint or in the form of courtly sonnets of Troubadours, or the conscientious seduction efforts to lead women astray, by legendary lovers such as Casanova and the fictional libertine Don Juan, game has always been with us. Historically it has been employed by few men, as the nature of life and the social contracts that existed within society functioned and for those that it didn’t, there wasn’t any other option. For a lucky few who were in an economic and social class that allowed them the opportunities to circumvent the traditional sources of male values (status, power and wealth) ‘game’ existed and they benefited from it.

Modern mass media has created the opportunity for this awareness and knowledge, to be shared amongst interested parties, in a manner that previously unthought-of and un-heard-of. While what we now know as ‘Game’, was never canonized, the tenants have been rediscovered and confirmed through simple behaviorism, observable results and modified social experiments, at a personal level, which often is paralleled and verified, through access to actual public domain scientific social experiments, until a relatively predictable and usable concepts and stratagems are produced. Much of this stands in stark contrast to personal and social norms, expectations and acceptance, as it simply does not paint a pretty picture of human socio-sexual behavior on many levels.

Knowing is half the battle…

What you are doing is not working. Your results in the Sexual Market Place are a reflection of your beliefs, attitudes and your actions reflect those beliefs. They are simply ineffective for the socio-situation, in which you are party to. As the agent of your life, you need to take accountability and authorship for this or honestly embrace getting more of what you’re already achieving. You can’t change society, but you can change and work on your responses to it and in response to your direct situation. The first step in changing this reality comes from educating yourself and personally verifying the concepts associated with ‘game’, so that they become self-evident and can thus be then truly applied for good effect and more importantly specifically refined to you and your situation. Without an underlying fundamental belief and conviction in what you are doing and why you are performing those functions, you are simply a beggar at a buffet which contains a number of poisons.

Becoming the commodity she’s looking for…

Game works and in its simplest form is nothing more than a direct response to the Sexual Market Place and female hypergamy (the female desire to date/marry/mate with a male at or above her socio-economic level) and becoming a vastly better more social you. ‘Game’ and its working elements are nothing more than your actions to increase your ‘eligibility’ for female attraction and selection. Mom, got some of it right. You do need to put your best foot forward. You need to be confident in who and what you are and what you have to offer not only the woman you fancy, but the world in general. What Mom doesn’t understand or comprehend is the upheaval and transformation that has taken place with the social contract in society and their ramifications to you directly. Dating used to be an end to a means- marriage, children and family creation, not any more. Learning about the SMP and how you factor in it is essential reading and knowledge. Understanding it is critical. You’re a ‘No-Go!’ until you do. To do so otherwise is to risk peril at your own jeopardy, as the downfalls and traps of ‘Game’ and the ‘Community’ are well-known.

The Golden tenant of game…

The golden tenant of game is that a woman will sleep with you and desire a relationship with you, if your value exceeds their attraction threshold. In a business sense, this is a combination of business development and sales all rolled into one. In short, if you don’t have the ability to interact with, entice, and compel a woman to invest herself with your time, presence and services, you’re not in business and you have no hopes at gaining and being in a committed relationship. While the ‘Community’ has historically focused primarily upon the social skills development aspect of female attraction and selection criteria, there are three major areas in which a man can focus his attention and energies to increase his value and thus improving his options both quantitatively and qualitatively with women.

Physical Development

The impact and influence of your physique upon a woman’s attraction and selection criteria are immense. The better looking, either genetically or developed sense of hygiene, style and fashion will play an enormous role in a woman’s choice, as does the level of your physical fitness and physical development. It is so obvious it goes without saying, but consequently it is one of those realms that people refuse to acknowledge or attune to, because like psychological development requires discipline, work and perseverance. As immediate and powerful as this criterion is for women, they will gradually perceive a man’s looks to a lesser degree, if he possesses other attractive and desirable traits, but he needs continued opportunity to showcase those. Too often that chance won’t materialize for most men, as their physical impressions will be their only ones. While the crux of ‘game’ is that you can influence perceive opinions of women by projecting confidence, demeanor and attitude of a more physically fit or higher social status male, it is often simpler and more effective to actually get into shape, develop a sense and flair for fashion and be well-groomed. When you do, the confidence, demeanor and attitudes will be real and won’t have to be feigned, as faking it is not very effective over the long-term.

Lifestyle Development

Your lifestyle has unbelievable influence with who will be attracted to you, as it will be a natural reflection of who you are and the values you have, as they are readily exhibited. A man’s value is intrinsic to him because of what he makes himself into and through what he does with his life, independent of a woman. A man’s value exists because of what he is and what he does. Developing and shaping your life path is one of the most important objectives you will have in life beyond taking care of your physical, emotional and psychological needs. Your life, your home and the world in which you beckon her to enter and become a part of, will be a manifestation of all this.

Social Skills

The genera of social skills development is truly immense, with fractured niche developments for what seems to be an almost every realm conceivable and growing daily… a major allied component to this is developing a set of rules of engagement (frame) that you will live, date and operate by. It is your basis and criteria of living and becomes your overall theme for how you go about living your life, through establishing a bedrock of standards and qualifications for everything in your life, to include women and your relationships with them. Of equal importance here is your ability and nature to communicate those standards to people and specifically with women and manage the adherence to them. You determine and manage this. You implicitly state “this is my life. If you want to be part of it, here is what is involved and expected.” If not, you must be willing to let her go and walk away from what is not working. In essence you need to make a woman demonstrate her worthiness before you invest and or commit to her. Quality is never achieved by lowering standards. This is especially true for yourself as well. The overall premise of your relationships needs to be led and molded by you. Not only do women want this, they crave it.

“As you wish”…

There are countless numbers of men who wanting to be boyfriends, husbands and fathers-to-be, are sitting on the sidelines of the Sexual Market Place (SMP), that are never taught the methods or developed the confidence needed to pursue women effectively in this current environment. If women are serious about wanting beta traits in men, they’re going to have to go find them and show them they are valuable. The problem is they are not. They are getting more of what they sleep with and savvy men are recognizing that to get the type of woman they want, they need to exhibit more of the traits of the men she actually chooses (the rise of douchebaggery). Thus we have the mainstream rise of ‘game’. Like it or not, Princess Buttercup chose the dread pirate Roberts over both Westley (farm-boy), who supplicated to her every demand and Prince Humperdinck who lacks all manner of wit, charm and enticing social skills, but relies upon obtuse forms of status, wealth and power to achieve his seduction. While a fictionalized story, it does play upon the satire of human nature and it is a tune that rings a little too true. In this day and age, it is the scoundrel that attracts the Princess Bride…

The Sexual Market Place

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Image of a storm at sea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore…”

The Sexual Market Place

The SMP (Sexual Market Place) is the nebulous environment in which a multitude of social, cultural, socioeconomic and sociopolitical factors influence the dating environment. These are the same powerful factors that are shaping our society and in fact the SMP is a reflection of those. Ultimately upon studying the SMP, one can come to the realization that the current dating environment is essentially a commodity market… where raw or primarily products are exchanged and the harsh realities of it are no different. Markets vary in form, scale, geographic and types of participants as well as goods and services being offered and sought from…with both macro and micro environments, but in this case we also have the differing biological sexual market values (SMV) trajectories of men and women, which will play an enormous role in ones timeline within the SMP.

The SMP is being shaped by hundreds of factors, but four major cultural drivers are shaping the macro-SMP and they are giving rise to delayed age of first marriages, rising divorce rates, decrease fertility and hookup culture;

Cultural Factors:

Readily available contraception (condoms, the pill and abortions): In the past there were extreme consequences for women should they become pregnant out-of-wedlock. Contraception liberated women from these life altering situations and resulted in a permissive environment in which women were free to explore their sexuality without fear and gave fuel to their hypergamy, women’s natural biological attraction triggers and drive to sexually select men who differentiated themselves via physical, social and status dimorphisms, which are most often at odds with monogamous partnering and parenting traits. Sex has always held incredible exchange value, now with readily available contraception women were free to yield it without having to suffer the dire consequences of an unwanted pregnancy.

Changes to Family Law (‘No fault’ divorce, asset division, and alimony): In the past, a divorce was only granted upon misconduct of a partner, with a dramatic decrease in quality of life due to a woman’s inability to be independent and self-supporting. Now the law and society has changed so that a partner needs no stated reason to abandon these life vows and is yet still entitled to child custody, property asset division and alimony, even though most women these days are capable of being self-supporting and independent. These incentivize the destruction of marriage and cause untolled emotional and financial destruction upon men, who lose their family, access to their children and typically are forced to support these endowments, at no fault of their own, just because she became “unhappy”.

Advancement of Feminism: The social movement of advancing equal political, economical and social rights for women has gone through a series of progressive waves of movement; 1st wave was to remove the 2nd class status from women and provided basic civil rights. The 2nd wave advanced a wide range of women’s issues from family law, workplace rights and reproductive rights, that we currently recognize as ‘women’s rights’. The 3rd wave has more diverse strains of feminist activity and can be viewed as developing a sense of empowerment for women from their given stereotypes, as being assertive, powerful and in control of their own sexuality, but with these new expressions has led to criticism that feminism often promotes misandry (hatred of men) and the elevation of women’s interests above men’s. Overall culture and society goes to lengths to shield, protect and liberate women from the consequences of their actions and to confer the rights of privilege status upon women. With time this has grown to become a deep trough of self-derived sense of entitlement for women, removed from any reality of actual achievement, merit or award.

Rise of the Post-Industrial Knowledge Economy: We don’t live in the Post-Industrial Age anymore…we reside at the footsteps of the Information Age and with it have come a dramatic shift in our social and cultural construct and expectations. The economic shift of globalization, the digital revolution and a massive shift away from manufacturing to knowledge and service base economy has been a tremendous advantage to women, which has rushed to fill and expand it, as this new market place is indifferent to men’s advantages of both size and strength and plays more to women’s strengths of emotional intelligence, such as consensus and team building, relationship skills and relationship development and aesthetic awareness and design. Women have not only expanded the original economy, but have created new markets where they hold sway. This is made more striking when one realizes that the growth in both college and graduate degrees came almost entirely from the female half of the population. Currently young women are now earning 117% of what their male peers do, even though men dominate the science, technology, engineering and math professions that are typically are higher paying fields. Even with these clearly defined demographics, society still further highly promotes, safeguards and rewards for women in the work place, through a number of incentives, programs and regulations. Women today have the same choice to be independent and self-sufficient as men, but make other calculated choices, then cry foul at the outcomes.

While the social attitudes and work place opportunities regarding women may have undergone a revolution, the rules of sex appeal have not and the Darwinian realities are not pretty for women in the long-term and a very rough ride for men in the short-term.

Biological factors:

Sexual Value Trajectories of men and women are vastly different.

Women in their early 20’s hold an extremely strong hand in the SMP, especially with men roughly their own age. Their sexual market value (SMV) is high, spans multiple age groups, creating an abundance of excellent prospects and many women are able to leverage this situation and effectively hit above their weight class sexually (have access to men they normally wouldn’t if it were not for their sex exchange value) for a decade or more. By 35 women’s sexual and fertility values within the sexual market place greatly diminishes and so too does the pool of interested and eligible men, at the same time they expect to settle down, find a man and start that family… Men on the other hand have a much lower SMV at the beginning of their lives, which spans relatively within their age peer group initially, but increases with age and their SMV doesn’t start to decline until well into their 50’s. As with any fish bowl it is the dominate fish that command the food supply.

As a women move from their 30’s to their 40’s they remain less enticing to men of their age than women who are ‘younger, firmer, tighter and free’, as the refrain goes. Just as a woman’s sexual market value (SMV) is in steep decline a man’s is typically continuing in an opposite trajectory and are leveraging that value for relationships with younger women, who are less used up sexually, are free of the immense emotional and physical baggage from previous marriages and the accompanying children and responsibilities that come with those children.

Sexual Biological Prerogatives of men and women differ immensely. Women control sex, men commitment…

Females

Evolutionary psychologists continue to prove that women exhibit mate-selective preferences for spouses/mates that hold greater physical attractiveness, educational level, job status, social standing and capital accumulation which is defined by the term Hypergamy. In colloquial terms it’s simply defined as ‘marrying up’. In practice, women delay marriage until their careers have been established (ramification of the knowledge economy), enjoy a parade of alpha cock during their roaring 20’s & 30’s ( thanks to the pill & feminism), thus rewarding the players over the commitment minded men, which gives rise to douchebaggery culture. Not only are women getting the types of men they deserve, but the men they select.

Males

Males on the other hand primarily seek sex from a variety of women, with the dominate trait of physical attractiveness , youthful vibrancy and femininity being the overwhelming characteristics for selection. Men playing the field are exercising their biological prerogatives within the frame-work women, feminism, culture and society have enabled.

Sexual Chaos

In the past dating was a means to an end- with the goal of marriage and ultimately parenthood… no more. The social and sexual freedom the last decades have brought has created a realm of sexual anarchy to the SMP. No one knows what is expected. Both men and women have escaped historical dating ritual, rules and gender roles by being financially and sexually independent exercising their rights and freedoms. They are free to do whatever they want and the opportunities for pursuing happiness on their own terms are like none before in human history.

Evolving Relationship Structures:

Serial Monogamy- the practice of having a number of long-term romantic or sexual partners in succession, which has given increase rise to disposable of relationships and the people in them. Serial monogamy gives people some kind of certainty and security by providing some sense of stability and exclusivity, that enable them to devote their resources to other issues…but for a limited time… It currently is the most prevailing form of romantic relationship, even though the sought-after ideal is still that of long-lasting monogamy. Fear of commitment and perfectionism play a large part in the serial monogamist’s thinking… they are often unable to cope and with the pressures of a relationship and incapable of sustaining a relationship over common hardships for long periods of time and eventually seek novelty and their independence once again or escape from a troubled relationship. Often the patterns of behavior are so established that the individual can predict and anticipate the time period in which a break up will occur well in advance.

Hookup culture– an intentionally vague term that can vary from person to person, event to event that spans from light sexual contact to an intense sexual interlude and everything in-between, with no connotation for a relationship and is expressly designed to avoid commitment and to liberate the parties to pursue separate agendas. It is quickly replacing traditional dating in the general population and has become the norm on most college campuses.

Relationships are no sanctuary from the forces that influence and make up the sexual market place, but what is surprising about the current dating environment is that both males and females tend to grow out of it and take the leap of faith into marriage with disastrous results. Marriage in its current form is a social mechanism designed to exchange sex for a modern form of indentured servitude. The easiest way to prevent divorce and its ugly fallout for men, is to NOT get married. Over 50% fail, with a +70% chance your wife will initiate it, and if a recent AARP poll is correct 25% of the divorced men state they never saw the divorce coming, compared to 14% of the women.

Relationships and especially marriage hold dangers for the man who enters into them foolishly. A relationship isn’t a panacea for the emotional, psychological and sexual needs that you haven’t resolved on your own. When you take on a relationship with the intent of being monogamous, you take on a tremendous series of obstacles, problems and issues, that needs to be negotiated with another individual… going into one without preparation, knowledge and appropriate skill set isn’t just foolish, it’s downright stupid.

Towards a New Sexual Market Place…

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Picture of a Candle in the Dark

 

 

 

 

 

 

“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness”- Chinese proverb

For those of us in it, the Sexual Market Place (SMP) is a screwed up place… we intuitively feel what’s going on, but may not fully understand it. We’re inundated with poor advice from those that are detached from realities of the SMP, have social agendas, or just simply clueless, that the advice they give would be laughable, if not for the very real damage it’s creating. We are faced with poor advice, heady goals and the opposing stark realities, in a very unforgiving dating environment. We reach out into this darkness and try to grope our way through it… too often with disastrous results.

Sexual Freedom… that would summarize the current Sexual Market Place and was fostered and created by a number of sociological events and drivers that came about and together in the last 50 years, to what we now have and would currently recognize. Freedom implies a choice… and with that choice comes the opportunity to create the sexual life you want. That freedom is also re-writing the social rules, contracts and assumptions upon which men and women relied upon to engage each other in the pursuit of committed monogamous relationships.

These assumptions of old, no longer hold sway, which creates an immense amount of ambiguity. This ambiguity is compounded by the multitude of possibilities, interests and lack of shared assumptions which leads to mass confusion. There are no rules for the road for this SMP. It is as though the driving laws were suspended on the highways of life, love and happiness. In fact they have not been re-written, but removed. The social implications of this are astounding.

I can scream, wail and rail into this social wind of change, but I will affect little change, maybe some awareness, but little else. Or I could do something else…

I have always been fascinated by the location of events where minds gathered and creative ideas took to life and shed new light on old ideas and ways of doing things. They always seemed to stem from just a few minds that interacted to set the world ablaze. Where historically those minds needed the physical presence of the others, we don’t live in a world with those constraints. We don’t have to physically meet over beers or coffee in ale and coffee houses of old, to share thoughts and ideas that will give birth to new enlightenment. We also live in a time when we have precedence for just a few people to shape a concept into a new reality that sparks a revolution. That is a rich inheritance of existence that I intend to exploit.

This blog is intended to be utilized as a meeting place and stepping stone for men who desire to shape and author their lives and embrace the responsibilities in having committed relationships. In effect, those wishing to ‘Man Up!’, but doing so with wisdom and honed ability.

I hope to be but one voice, reaching a thousand lives, that will drive a revolution….