Relationship Dating

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Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.

It take two to tango…

Women actually expect their relationship fantasies to be born out in real life. In the SMP and society at large it is assumed that men alone are the sex abdicating their societal duty in not preparing themselves for relationships, marriage and creating families men just need to ‘man up!’. Women feel an inherent entitlement, fully supported by society, to quality men and need only show up, no matter how emotionally and spiritually broken, physically unkempt, poor mannered, burdened with irresponsible debt, poor job or career prospects, saddled with bastard children and fully expect men to have an obligation and overwhelming urge to court, pursue and marry these unfeminine, dreadful creatures and provide for them and their ill spawned prodigy. It’s echoed in the ‘where-are-all-the-good-men’ and ‘I just need a “good” man’ meme endless exposed by women and their white knight champions. The reality is that there are no good men due to a combination of increased expectations, decreased attractiveness and substandard feminine qualities, and a societal stripping of male incentives towards relationships and marriage. The standards of sexual behavior are a two-way street… as the self-proclaimed gatekeepers of sex, women are failing themselves and the men they desire utterly and in the process they are getting the men they deserve; players, deadbeats and douchebags.

Wait for Mrs. Right, not Mrs. Always Right….

Your desires matter! As a strategic matter – men should avoid those people who we can be reasonably judged as being unwilling and incapable to provide us what we want, need and deserve. They simply are not worthy of emotional investment, as they are not relationship material. As the gatekeepers of commitment men have an obligation to ourselves to tell these women who do not fit our criteria for our lives, ‘no!’. By doing so you are creating the potential to do the impossible in this day and age: pave the way for successful, stable, monogamous relationships, not with just any woman who comes along, but just the right one to suit your personality, lifestyle, tastes and preferences that is prepared and willing to commit to a healthy, fulfilling relationship. It stands to reason that men ought to entertain a prolonged period in their lives where they are open to exploring the most highly qualified options they have access to, while concurrently developing and improving themselves prior to making a commitment of any significant magnitude.

The Vagina Authority

The health of any relationship you might entertain depends and survives on the frame you enter into it with from the very beginning. A man respecting his biological prerogative will naturally put his physical/sexual needs before his emotional ones… when a man acquiesces those needs to a woman’s needs of emotionally commitment prior to establishing a sexual identity within the relationship structure, the man is effectively trapped in a her-frame relationship, otherwise known as the vagina authority, which is well-known axiom within the men’s community . When a woman has successfully negotiated and manipulated control for the relationship frame through negotiated sexual access and plays at sexuality, it is always going to color your dealings with her. She has established a conditional reward for desired behavior that lies at the crux of an intimate relationship. This is no way to go through life. Your relationship becomes an ever-present, unspoken understanding, one you helped to foster, that she can ultimately play the pussy card and you will comply. And while this may gratify her in the short-term, in achieving her desires for emotional security, she has already lost her respect for you in the long-term, as she simple doesn’t see you as a strong and confident man…the type of man she actually wants. Your first act of entering into a committed long-term relationship should not be an act of capitulation.

When women drive …relationships

When a woman states that ‘she wants to take things slow’, ‘she’s not that type of girl’, ‘she’s traditional’, it is either an active ploy of manipulation, to take control of the relationship or covert communication for “I have other options I’m weighing”, “you’re not my first and best option”, or “I’m not that into you”. Any way you slice it, you’re getting played, as the golden tenant of the SMP is that a woman will have no problem becoming sexual with you, if you exceed their attraction threshold. Sexual tension is the chemistry that binds the relationship. If sex isn’t on the table, neither should any form of commitment. Women naturally want a man who is going to take the lead and drive the direction of the relationship, that means also controlling the pace of the relationship. Only one of you should be behind the wheel of the relationship at any one time… and you both know who that should be…

Where the rubber hits the dating floor…

A man’s status, power and wealth are the historical hallmarks of a man’s value within the sexual market place, even more so than his appearance… , but it is his self-confidence, self-esteem, self-respect forming his sense of self-awareness of his true value that will set a man with none of the historical hallmarks apart in the sexual market place… it essentially is his calling card.

As fellow blogger Rollo Tomassi of the Rationale Male, succinctly put it:

“There is nothing as simultaneously fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man that is self-aware of his own value.” “Feminization can’t afford men knowing their true value and potential and thus continuously seeks to confuse men and continually inspire doubt and humiliation.” “ In this regard, holding a belief that you are better than you really are will bring you more success with women than having a realistic appraisal of yourself. “ “It is vastly better to error on the side of too much boldness rather than too little…” “Touching a woman on the first date will get you further than not touching her at all…”  “Five minutes of alpha behavior will flood the female brain with excitement, arousal and interest that hours of beta supplicating behavior ever will…”

The flip side of the same coin is to never market the relationship or your over-willingness to commit. Instead, focus on how being with you fulfills their emotional needs and desires in a way that would be betrayed by dependency needs, because when there’s a good relationship forming, the pressure you feel like you’ll lose the person doesn’t exist, due to the bond, trust and respect that you’ve both mutually created. When sex is exchanged for commitment, both parties loose, as what happens when there is a competing and better offer?

“Ka-ching” Dating

The all or nothing approach to dating more often than not leads to limiting results; either their partnership material or not and is too often the parting is unseemly and unfortunate. It is also immature and unsophisticated form of dating. In the process of spreading out you efforts across a wider pool of potential candidates, focus your intent into a form of social-networking and marketing, where that is precisely the goal, that you value developing new friendships over sexual transactions or end-goal objectives of obtaining a relationship. You should create and use these personal interactions that are so extraordinary and so powerful, that the women you see socially still desire your company and become an advocate for you, and you them, as reciprocity is important in any relationship.

Ladies-Bring it!

Men will decide whether to date in search of a relationship and ultimately marriage, as opposed to dating recreationally, based upon their own personal assessment of the risks involved within the SMP, the perceived risks and attributes associated with a particular woman conveys and what they feel their sense of worth and entitlement demand for their own lives. The risks men face are extensive and run the gamut of financial, emotional, social, cultural, physical, legal and sexual. As a man, it behooves you to be fully informed about those risks, and the benefits you confer in your relationship and marriage potential. Women will need to demonstrate that they are low risk, high value, and of sterling character. That means among other things, a willingness to take their wedding vows dead seriously, and to speak out against divorce as a means of personal growths, self-expression and tapping into an unlimited supply of hypergamy ala ‘Eat, Pray, Love’…

 

Relationship Marketing

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“Marketing doesn’t create product advantage, it only conveys it.”

Marketing as storytelling.

Marketing in the dating sense is nothing more than the process of identifying, creating, delivering and communicating social value to potential customers, partners and society at large. It is also the art of maintaining and fostering continued relationships between all parties involved in this process, which is simply social-networking. At a basic level these all are skill sets, but at a more refined level they truly rise to a level of an art form. They are all accomplished and communicated in a myriad of ways, but all lead up to an emotional response in perception, in the form of storytelling. The people we interact with tell themselves a story, of who they perceive you to be. Marketing is the actions we take to help to influence that perception.

What story can you tell?

Marketing is more than just the art of communicating your brand. It is also the essence of the art to use your ability to use nonverbal techniques to signal a series of statements and promises of who you are and what you are about. You need to understand the biases of your prospects are, which is often defined by the sexual market place, and which totems you can then utilize to tell your story to these prospects. Your story should be a symphony, not a note… all the elements should be playing together in concert to deliver your message.

Work out your positioning.

To be truly successful in marketing yourself for healthy and productive relationships you need to know yourself and your brand. In previous posts I’ve talked about the need to analyze your psychological social development, as well as, performing relationship autopsy on past relationships, to help understand the psychological motivators and level of relationship skills that you have developed to that point. Based upon those assessments and further development, you can more appropriately start to screen and filter for healthy and productive relationships, and avoid unhealthy and potentially toxic relationships. All these elements will help to establish your positioning within the dating environment. Identifying your positioning is key to the marketing process, as it is far better to sell your product and services to customers who actually want them, than it is to cold call and cold sell potential customers who don’t and have no intention of buying what you have to offer.

Develop a tag line

You should be able to describe in a few words who you are and what you have to offer. Think of your elevator pitch boiled down to the essential. The best marketing tag lines are simple stories that are most likely to break through, the most likely to be understood and the most likely to spread. The best example of this is a close, personal friend, dating life coach, and fellow 21-Convention speaker  Right Hand Man, who will introduce himself and proffer his name three times in quick succession and literally state his tag line of ‘more fun than your last date.’ It leaves a lasting and resonating impression because it’s offbeat, aggressively original, plays to female hypergamy (desire for better) and establishes a frame/promise for what they can expect out of any relationship they develop with him, which is in perfect alignment for what he is looking for in a relationship. He then over delivers on that promise, to their sheer joy. While it isn’t necessary to state your tag line, but being consciously aware of what yours is, and what you promise as your brand to each and everyone you interact with is. Consistency in this case truly matters, as it builds credibility, which is critical in a low-trust environment, such as the field of dating, as expectations are the engine of our perceptions. Assholes are assholes, not because of their behavior, but because they fail to deliver on expectations of their promise and their customer base feel ripped off because of it.

Build visibility by raising your profile.

Most dating advice you’ll receive about raising your profile will center on developing a series of dating streams of how potential prospects come into your presence and while valuable in its basic application, it doesn’t take into account the desired outcome of ‘new’ prospects. Developing the same prospects in different social forums, such as social venues, community events, organizations & clubs, on-line dating sites etc, doesn’t help your cause, if you keep meeting the same people. You want to focus upon finding new prospects that will fit your bill for what you are looking for. This is why I think the community is seeing a huge increase in popularity of day-game, which essentially hacks into this notion of random occurrence that leads to fresh and new opportunities to meet women you’d normally never come across or in contact with.

Building your dating streams is an ongoing process.

A regular scheduled routine is better than major marketing effort swings. While the tendency is to focus on major efforts because of its promise of immediacy, it is the sum of the small efforts and small success over time that typically leads to greater overall success, whether it’s a weekly boy’s night out or regular schedule activities, as they breed familiarity with the local population groups and the consistency of your brand communication leads to referral credibility, which aids people about confirming their coherent story about you.

Great stories unfold fast

First impressions are far more powerful than we give them credit for. Great stories match the voice of the consumer’s worldview that they are seeking, and they sync right up with their expectations. Either the customer is ready to listen to what is delivered or they are not, as it doesn’t agree with what they already believe and feel. When instant romances ‘just happen’ it is due to these elements coalescing. And what the customer is feeling is everything to them, whether it is an accurate portrait of you or not.

Live it out loud

Marketing is effectively a form of storytelling, and everything you do supports that story. You must have a consistent, authentic story that is framed in terms of the worldview of the person you are telling the story to, your story must be robust enough to gather their attention and keep it, honest and transparent to provide credibility to believe in and finally you have to be prepared to live it out loud, as soft-spoken stories rarely give rise to large rapt audiences.

Developing your game…

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“Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.”

 

Since the dawn of time…

Game has always been around. Whether it was employed in the form of ‘sneaky breeders’ from the anthropological evolutionary standpoint or in the form of courtly sonnets of Troubadours, or the conscientious seduction efforts to lead women astray, by legendary lovers such as Casanova and the fictional libertine Don Juan, game has always been with us. Historically it has been employed by few men, as the nature of life and the social contracts that existed within society functioned and for those that it didn’t, there wasn’t any other option. For a lucky few who were in an economic and social class that allowed them the opportunities to circumvent the traditional sources of male values (status, power and wealth) ‘game’ existed and they benefited from it.

Modern mass media has created the opportunity for this awareness and knowledge, to be shared amongst interested parties, in a manner that previously unthought-of and un-heard-of. While what we now know as ‘Game’, was never canonized, the tenants have been rediscovered and confirmed through simple behaviorism, observable results and modified social experiments, at a personal level, which often is paralleled and verified, through access to actual public domain scientific social experiments, until a relatively predictable and usable concepts and stratagems are produced. Much of this stands in stark contrast to personal and social norms, expectations and acceptance, as it simply does not paint a pretty picture of human socio-sexual behavior on many levels.

Knowing is half the battle…

What you are doing is not working. Your results in the Sexual Market Place are a reflection of your beliefs, attitudes and your actions reflect those beliefs. They are simply ineffective for the socio-situation, in which you are party to. As the agent of your life, you need to take accountability and authorship for this or honestly embrace getting more of what you’re already achieving. You can’t change society, but you can change and work on your responses to it and in response to your direct situation. The first step in changing this reality comes from educating yourself and personally verifying the concepts associated with ‘game’, so that they become self-evident and can thus be then truly applied for good effect and more importantly specifically refined to you and your situation. Without an underlying fundamental belief and conviction in what you are doing and why you are performing those functions, you are simply a beggar at a buffet which contains a number of poisons.

Becoming the commodity she’s looking for…

Game works and in its simplest form is nothing more than a direct response to the Sexual Market Place and female hypergamy (the female desire to date/marry/mate with a male at or above her socio-economic level) and becoming a vastly better more social you. ‘Game’ and its working elements are nothing more than your actions to increase your ‘eligibility’ for female attraction and selection. Mom, got some of it right. You do need to put your best foot forward. You need to be confident in who and what you are and what you have to offer not only the woman you fancy, but the world in general. What Mom doesn’t understand or comprehend is the upheaval and transformation that has taken place with the social contract in society and their ramifications to you directly. Dating used to be an end to a means- marriage, children and family creation, not any more. Learning about the SMP and how you factor in it is essential reading and knowledge. Understanding it is critical. You’re a ‘No-Go!’ until you do. To do so otherwise is to risk peril at your own jeopardy, as the downfalls and traps of ‘Game’ and the ‘Community’ are well-known.

The Golden tenant of game…

The golden tenant of game is that a woman will sleep with you and desire a relationship with you, if your value exceeds their attraction threshold. In a business sense, this is a combination of business development and sales all rolled into one. In short, if you don’t have the ability to interact with, entice, and compel a woman to invest herself with your time, presence and services, you’re not in business and you have no hopes at gaining and being in a committed relationship. While the ‘Community’ has historically focused primarily upon the social skills development aspect of female attraction and selection criteria, there are three major areas in which a man can focus his attention and energies to increase his value and thus improving his options both quantitatively and qualitatively with women.

Physical Development

The impact and influence of your physique upon a woman’s attraction and selection criteria are immense. The better looking, either genetically or developed sense of hygiene, style and fashion will play an enormous role in a woman’s choice, as does the level of your physical fitness and physical development. It is so obvious it goes without saying, but consequently it is one of those realms that people refuse to acknowledge or attune to, because like psychological development requires discipline, work and perseverance. As immediate and powerful as this criterion is for women, they will gradually perceive a man’s looks to a lesser degree, if he possesses other attractive and desirable traits, but he needs continued opportunity to showcase those. Too often that chance won’t materialize for most men, as their physical impressions will be their only ones. While the crux of ‘game’ is that you can influence perceive opinions of women by projecting confidence, demeanor and attitude of a more physically fit or higher social status male, it is often simpler and more effective to actually get into shape, develop a sense and flair for fashion and be well-groomed. When you do, the confidence, demeanor and attitudes will be real and won’t have to be feigned, as faking it is not very effective over the long-term.

Lifestyle Development

Your lifestyle has unbelievable influence with who will be attracted to you, as it will be a natural reflection of who you are and the values you have, as they are readily exhibited. A man’s value is intrinsic to him because of what he makes himself into and through what he does with his life, independent of a woman. A man’s value exists because of what he is and what he does. Developing and shaping your life path is one of the most important objectives you will have in life beyond taking care of your physical, emotional and psychological needs. Your life, your home and the world in which you beckon her to enter and become a part of, will be a manifestation of all this.

Social Skills

The genera of social skills development is truly immense, with fractured niche developments for what seems to be an almost every realm conceivable and growing daily… a major allied component to this is developing a set of rules of engagement (frame) that you will live, date and operate by. It is your basis and criteria of living and becomes your overall theme for how you go about living your life, through establishing a bedrock of standards and qualifications for everything in your life, to include women and your relationships with them. Of equal importance here is your ability and nature to communicate those standards to people and specifically with women and manage the adherence to them. You determine and manage this. You implicitly state “this is my life. If you want to be part of it, here is what is involved and expected.” If not, you must be willing to let her go and walk away from what is not working. In essence you need to make a woman demonstrate her worthiness before you invest and or commit to her. Quality is never achieved by lowering standards. This is especially true for yourself as well. The overall premise of your relationships needs to be led and molded by you. Not only do women want this, they crave it.

“As you wish”…

There are countless numbers of men who wanting to be boyfriends, husbands and fathers-to-be, are sitting on the sidelines of the Sexual Market Place (SMP), that are never taught the methods or developed the confidence needed to pursue women effectively in this current environment. If women are serious about wanting beta traits in men, they’re going to have to go find them and show them they are valuable. The problem is they are not. They are getting more of what they sleep with and savvy men are recognizing that to get the type of woman they want, they need to exhibit more of the traits of the men she actually chooses (the rise of douchebaggery). Thus we have the mainstream rise of ‘game’. Like it or not, Princess Buttercup chose the dread pirate Roberts over both Westley (farm-boy), who supplicated to her every demand and Prince Humperdinck who lacks all manner of wit, charm and enticing social skills, but relies upon obtuse forms of status, wealth and power to achieve his seduction. While a fictionalized story, it does play upon the satire of human nature and it is a tune that rings a little too true. In this day and age, it is the scoundrel that attracts the Princess Bride…

The Brand called YOU.

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“There is only one thing worse than being blind, it is having no vision…”

Successful companies throughout the world understand the importance of brands, as do individuals who are interested in what it takes to stand out and prosper, not only in business, but on the personal front as well.

Make no mistake, in the SMP (Sexual Market Place) you are both a commodity and a service provider. As such, you have a brand; an identity/personality/personal narrative that becomes the perception that people will form about you, in relation to being with and around you and as importantly, what they can expect from you. It is your personal message to the world. It tells everyone so much about you, even before you meet or engage them that often decisions are made just upon an initial visual summary. In this regard, you will live or die by it, as a false perception of you will have the same distinction of a real one.

What is of concern here is not only identifying your brand, but specifically and properly communicating that brand, (is it clear and distinguishable?), and making sure that brand is congruent with whom you really are and whom you want to be ( is your strategy in alignment with your life goals?)… a lack of either will severely affect your results in the SMP.

Are you aware of what you are communicating through your appearance, behavior, demeanor, methods of communication and relationship behaviors and expectations?  Is your brand in line with and in alignment to where you want your life to go? If not, you need to take the time to work and develop those areas, as your results in the SMP will be a reflection of what marketers refer to as your brand experience, which is the sum of all points of contact your potential customers have with your brand.

In understanding or developing your brand, it will take several steps and analysis that include a personal attributes and values analysis, a review of current or projected brand positioning, your brand promise, an analysis of your brand presentation, the brand’s message persistence and a measure of market perception analysis to determine where your brand stands. Once determined and refined (the act of branding) you then are in a position to better market that brand towards a specific target audience, the types of women and relationships you want to be with and in. Not having and acting on a real understanding of that, you are subject to the nature of serendipity, as your sexual marketing strategy and that just isn’t smart. Nor is it typically effective.

You brand for better effect is your story and your vision for your life. To be most effective your brand shouldn’t just be a list of attributes that are communicated in short narration such as displays of higher value, but should be integrated and woven into an overall combined story that builds a powerful connection between ideas, people and actions taken. They should give context and robust understanding to the information that you provide. It needs to be a story that is succinct, powerful and captivating. It also needs to be relevant to your target audience, places you in position of worth and inspires your audience to act upon your value.

To accomplish these goals your personal branding story needs to achieve several areas of impact beyond your personal physical attributes, social skills and personal aura (displays of personality);

Project into the future

It is not enough to discuss your personal history and experiences, but rather they should be the basis and foundation of why they are going to propel you to a specific future. It should emphasize where you are going and why you are going to be successfully in getting there.

Convey relevance

Your story isn’t really about you. It’s about how being in a relationship with you, in combining your lives together are going to benefit each other. It answers your customer’s wants and needs clearly.

Confirms your credibility

Your story walks people through a learning curve of critical pieces of information that will assist them developing and confirming your credibility for answering their wants and needs in a succinct manner. Where you have specific experience in meeting the needs, wants and desires of your audience member. Where those experiences failed, what was learned and gained from them.

Creates an emotional connection

It is not enough to just list the facts, but to forge a strong emotional bond though vulnerability, candor and shared experiences, where the audience gains a heightened emotional intimacy and understanding of your story and ultimately you.

 Differentiates

Your story needs to explain exactly why you are the best choice out there, such as a measure of quality, refinement, discernment, ability, performance etc… it is any specific element that attaches value to the proposition that you are offering, that is sensitive and important to the buyer.

Promotes action

Your story needs to motivate the audience to act… to provide the reasoning why your audience should buy your brand. Often this means not just meeting a particular need, want or desire, but also removing hidden or latent fears that are accompanying and associated with the root need, want or desire that tend to block or stymie action.

Personal branding is vastly more than just ‘knowing yourself’, it is recognizing that your audience is always watching, that it matters not only what you say, but what you do as well… it is a comprehensive environment in which you are actively striking chords with people to stir their emotions and awareness of who you are, so that their imaginations are stoked and fine tuned, as to what life with you would be like, what you have to offer and are compelled to act in that regard…

Filtering and Screening for healthy productive relationships

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Image of Sirens in a lake

Don’t alter your course for the Sirens…

 

Take responsibility…

Much as in like golf, people play through with their unresolved personal issues, social constructs and dating strategies based solely upon attraction… In other words, their show must go on…inevitably to horribly predictable conclusions. Without the very real sense that ultimately your life and where it takes you is vastly more important than getting laid, you will never foster and develop healthy productive relationships for yourself and the consequences of those decisions will affect the quality and nature of your future.

Profits are made at the buy…

In business the profits are made at the ‘buy’ not the ‘sell’… People with poor ‘fundamentals’ are not going to be assets in your life or their own… The clearest indication of this is when you look into the nature of both their physical and emotional make up of their lives… Train wrecks show themselves for what they are. Often they will even proudly tell you…  You should develop the revulsion towards an emotional diseased soul, as much as a physically diseased one… Do you truly not value yourself to the degree that you would emotionally partner yourself with a leper?  Habitually men don’t…

Avoidance over repair…

Learn to accept people for who and what they are, rather than addressing their potential. People seldom change on their own accord until it completely doesn’t work anymore… They’ve crafted their lives and what they are doing works for them… where it doesn’t, the loss isn’t enough to motivate or spark a desire for behavior or choice modification. Unfortunately not only does that mean you’re going to be in store for a really shitty ride up until that point, but more likely than not, loosing you and the relationship with you, will have less value than instigating change and being accountable for their lives. Don’t bother trying to fix a situation you should have avoided in the first place…

Addiction avoidance…

Making life altering decisions while inebriated is a dangerous thing to do, but much like drinking and driving, men tend to mix and indulge in the deadly cocktail of attraction, sexual gratification and validation, when choosing to let a woman into their lives… or justify the actions afterwards by focusing upon these criteria post colitis. Learning to remove a woman’s ‘sexual appeal’ and ‘sex availability’ from the emotional equation will help put into perspective what other traits she brings to the table… In simpler practice stop fucking emotionally undesirable women! We get more of what we place value in… and sexually desiring and fucking has considerable value… Want less narcissistic, self-indulgent, entitled bitch behavior? Stop feeding into it! Starve it out of women… make them go home alone, masturbate and cry themselves to sleep wondering why they can’t find a ‘good’ man (New American Spinsterhood Syndrome). Put value ( your time, energy and commitment) into where it is earned… and you’ll notice a remarkable change not only in your own life, but also the SMP (Sexual Market Place).

Developing a road map…

Your ultimate goals are the driving force behind most of your actions… having a clear vision of what type of life you want to live and the type of relationship that you will find fulfilling, invigorating and desirable will help you with knowing which direction to swim in the SMP… It will highlight passing comments or phrases that are parsed out during routine conversations that you can pick up on and follow-up with, as you investigate the personality of the individual you’re engaging.  In panning for healthy relationships prospects, we need to focus upon the finding of healthy desirable women and cherishing those, the gems, and not jading ourselves upon the silt of humanity that invariably make up so much of the current SMP.  Ultimately one doesn’t find gold while playing with shit…