Managing Commitment-Gate Keeping

“Women get the men they sleep with, men get the women and relationships they commit to.”

 

Instinctual Monogamy…

Monogamy isn’t instinctual. Sorry it just isn’t. If it was, both men and women would have the same base biological sexual desire drivers and monogamy would be a simple and only accepted fact of life for coupling. It isn’t, and men and women furthermore, simply don’t have the same mating instincts as the other.

 

 

 

Maslow’s observation of love…

To compound this, as indicated in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our limbic system, at it’s very basic, is simply geared towards a differing reality, one of the survival of our species, where love, affection and life-long commitment doesn’t play a role, but one of biodiversity through diversification of our genetic material, by both sexes, clearly does.

 

 

 

Big Brains…

The silver lining here is that our brains have evolved greatly over time and while it is recognized that this brain development has greatly aided our ability to expand our thinking and to adapt to and overcome changing environmental conditions, one of the most significant and still relevant to us today, are the social changes that evolved with those biological changes, that I believe, were at the core of our evolutionary success and survival; the family unit. I have no doubt that the graphic curves for brain development over time, matches resources, energy and education investments in child rearing and development over time as well.

 

 

 

Venus of Willendorf

As social structures go, gender partnering for child rearing was a significant improvement over previous patterns of behavior and lead to the first social specialization, one based on gender.

 

 

 

Of which several more social structures and social evolutions were to come and go, the last, which we are currently experiencing, is the rapid feminization of our society, (following the post-industrial revolution), which is also the first time in human history we’re seeing dual sex specialization, or specifically in large part, feminine parity across our social structure.

Tradition of monogamy…

While traditional monogamy may be a cultural and societal ideal, and for good reason, it goes against one of the deepest evolutionary inclinations that biology has given men- to biodiversify. While historically this was always an issue, cultures and societies have provided institutions and stop-gaps to promote, maintain and sustain this family structure, moral codes, social standings and marriage. This is increasingly not the case in our society, nor the hallmark of our age today. As our culture, politics and laws promote massive changes to family structure and family law, which remove much of the incentives, safe-guards and benefits for entering into these structured relationships, they are furthermore are incredibly disproportional in their gender biasness favoring women to defy belief; open and widespread of divorce culture, ‘No-fault’ divorce, asset division, alimony and child custody laws, the acceptance and promotion of single motherhood, and open and accepted suspension of accountability for women, which is giving rise to ‘new age spinsterhood’. The damage enacted upon individuals, relationships and families are truly staggering. It is getting to the point that reasonable men are justifiably questioning not only the governing political institutions and laws, but their very involvement with women (see any men’s rights organization or ‘Men Going Their Own Way’ organizations to get a very real sense of this growing disenfranchisement among men in society). Other men are responding directly to this shifting cultural change and giving women the types of men and relationship structures they’re actually choosing (being free to do so), which has given rise to douchebags, deadbeats and players throughout society, which is increasingly awash in their bastard offspring.

Commitment…

As men we’re being asked, and demanded to relinquish our natural sexual and biological evolutionary instincts to commit to a single individual, at the same time women are increasingly free to and enticed to act upon their hypergamy, their natural sexual and biological evolutionary instincts, even within a committed relationship. If we are to do so, we need to take incredible precautions in finding, filtering, screening and selection of a partner, as well as respond to this environmental social context by developing ourselves and working with our partners to foster, develop and maintain the social skills needed to be successful within it. This means being incredibly discriminating about who we let into our lives, absolutely controlling of our DNA, to prepare, protect and to promote the types of relationship we truly want, need and desire and to actively work with our partners to recognize and manage hypergamy.

The price of freedom…

Our relationships are a consequence of who we are as men, what we expect for and of ourselves and for our lives. Managing commitment is an absolute essential first step to accomplishing that task and objective. We must be aware and vigilant of the high cost of cheap thinking and unintended consequences that comes with cheap sex and easily given commitments.

 

 

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21-Convention Interview Series: Socrates: A Documentary for Manning Up Smart

Image 21 Convention Socrates Documentary

 

 

 

 

I’m pleased to announce that Anthony Johnson CEO, founder and visionary of the 21-Convention has just released the edited version of the 21-Convention Interview Series, that featured an interview we conducted for over four hours in early April. We were given a quick peek at pre-production release mid-May and many of us were highly anticipating the final edited release. I know I was! Well, wait no more!

Video link

This is really a very surreal moment in my life for me. I never anticipated anything like this, whether it was the experiences that I gained by actively trying to improve my life, the deep personal friendships that I gained, the camaraderie, the knowledge that I’ve helped people along the same path others helped me or even getting to the point where almost strangers (and now complete strangers) are seeking out your guidance, opinion or knowledge and experience within this world of dating, sex, relationships, personal development, life and life style management. I was honored and frightened at the prospects of being asked to initially speak at the 21-Convention. (click video image to watch to video)

 

Video Link

Having been the lead off speaker and attending the entire 21-Convention, meeting the attendees, sharing personal stories, fielding and asking questions, personal inquires, and the general batting around of a multitude of ideas, thoughts and concepts, I walked away realizing that I had a lot to say and a lot to give back to the men’s community.

I initially started by compiling my personal data bank of notes that I’ve taken over the course of several years and posting on more than one forum regarding inner game and relationship development. I quickly came to two conclusions; The first was that in many ways what I had to say was either not appropriate for those forums or I very much risked hijacking it. I needed my own place on the net dedicated to these thoughts, ideas and beliefs that was not going to compete with a hosted forum. The second is that the underlying wealth of collected information was so much that it wasn’t going to be easily collected, documented and edited. I simply wasn’t happy just blasting the information without a filtered awareness behind the notes and comments I collected or researched. This lead me to creating this blog. A site dedicated to the concept that committed relationships with women are healthy, natural and essential to our society and culture at large. This endeavor though should not be taken lightly or ignorantly. The results of doing so today are all around us and I personally find the consequences repugnant.

I have no illusions that I alone will be able to effect change, but I am consciously aware of the dramatic changes that have and do take place individually. I am surrounded by it. In my own life, in the lives of the men I choose to call friends and those that have sought out my and others help in assisting them along in their journey, though understanding and experiencing their life. I have made it my goal and mission to reach out and touch the lives of a thousand men, to make a difference in their lives, in their relationships and their family structure.

The 21-Convention has been an incredible initiator and incubator for establishing that concept for me, as it is also an amazing vehicle for delivering that message and content. And while I may be a speaker at these events, I am also very much an attendee and student myself, as I have and do take away so much from attending these conferences. If you are looking to find a direction in your life, to find inspiration, to achieve the idealized version of your self, as defined by you, this is the place for you.

 

 

Attend 21-Convention link