The Honest Liars Podcast #85

Honest Liars Podcast

Recently I had a fantastic opportunity to be interviewed by the boys at The Honest Liars regarding a wide range of subjects concerning relationships, living consciously, feminism, living virtuously and fatherhood. Most importantly I was able to spend quality time with individuals dedicated to living and improving their lives with incredibly conscious efforts.  They’re doing some really great work and are well worth the read and listen.  I could try to paraphrase what they do, but I think they do a fine job explaining it themselves: 

We believe that most people are perfectly capable of having fulfilling, honest, and open relationships. The problem is that so few of us have ever had true honest modeled for us, making it difficult to find authentic connections later in life. 

In order to attain these relationships, you MUST work to become the most authentic version of you, which means getting vulnerable not only with others, but also (and more importantly) with yourself.

Don’t know where to start? You’re not alone. People all over the world are starting this journey, just like you. They are waking up to the fact that their relationships are lacking, that something’s just not quite right with their world…

 

The Honest Liars

The Honest Liars Podcast #85 Socrates Interview

 

Advertisements

Managing Commitment-Gate Keeping

“Women get the men they sleep with, men get the women and relationships they commit to.”

 

Instinctual Monogamy…

Monogamy isn’t instinctual. Sorry it just isn’t. If it was, both men and women would have the same base biological sexual desire drivers and monogamy would be a simple and only accepted fact of life for coupling. It isn’t, and men and women furthermore, simply don’t have the same mating instincts as the other.

 

 

 

Maslow’s observation of love…

To compound this, as indicated in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our limbic system, at it’s very basic, is simply geared towards a differing reality, one of the survival of our species, where love, affection and life-long commitment doesn’t play a role, but one of biodiversity through diversification of our genetic material, by both sexes, clearly does.

 

 

 

Big Brains…

The silver lining here is that our brains have evolved greatly over time and while it is recognized that this brain development has greatly aided our ability to expand our thinking and to adapt to and overcome changing environmental conditions, one of the most significant and still relevant to us today, are the social changes that evolved with those biological changes, that I believe, were at the core of our evolutionary success and survival; the family unit. I have no doubt that the graphic curves for brain development over time, matches resources, energy and education investments in child rearing and development over time as well.

 

 

 

Venus of Willendorf

As social structures go, gender partnering for child rearing was a significant improvement over previous patterns of behavior and lead to the first social specialization, one based on gender.

 

 

 

Of which several more social structures and social evolutions were to come and go, the last, which we are currently experiencing, is the rapid feminization of our society, (following the post-industrial revolution), which is also the first time in human history we’re seeing dual sex specialization, or specifically in large part, feminine parity across our social structure.

Tradition of monogamy…

While traditional monogamy may be a cultural and societal ideal, and for good reason, it goes against one of the deepest evolutionary inclinations that biology has given men- to biodiversify. While historically this was always an issue, cultures and societies have provided institutions and stop-gaps to promote, maintain and sustain this family structure, moral codes, social standings and marriage. This is increasingly not the case in our society, nor the hallmark of our age today. As our culture, politics and laws promote massive changes to family structure and family law, which remove much of the incentives, safe-guards and benefits for entering into these structured relationships, they are furthermore are incredibly disproportional in their gender biasness favoring women to defy belief; open and widespread of divorce culture, ‘No-fault’ divorce, asset division, alimony and child custody laws, the acceptance and promotion of single motherhood, and open and accepted suspension of accountability for women, which is giving rise to ‘new age spinsterhood’. The damage enacted upon individuals, relationships and families are truly staggering. It is getting to the point that reasonable men are justifiably questioning not only the governing political institutions and laws, but their very involvement with women (see any men’s rights organization or ‘Men Going Their Own Way’ organizations to get a very real sense of this growing disenfranchisement among men in society). Other men are responding directly to this shifting cultural change and giving women the types of men and relationship structures they’re actually choosing (being free to do so), which has given rise to douchebags, deadbeats and players throughout society, which is increasingly awash in their bastard offspring.

Commitment…

As men we’re being asked, and demanded to relinquish our natural sexual and biological evolutionary instincts to commit to a single individual, at the same time women are increasingly free to and enticed to act upon their hypergamy, their natural sexual and biological evolutionary instincts, even within a committed relationship. If we are to do so, we need to take incredible precautions in finding, filtering, screening and selection of a partner, as well as respond to this environmental social context by developing ourselves and working with our partners to foster, develop and maintain the social skills needed to be successful within it. This means being incredibly discriminating about who we let into our lives, absolutely controlling of our DNA, to prepare, protect and to promote the types of relationship we truly want, need and desire and to actively work with our partners to recognize and manage hypergamy.

The price of freedom…

Our relationships are a consequence of who we are as men, what we expect for and of ourselves and for our lives. Managing commitment is an absolute essential first step to accomplishing that task and objective. We must be aware and vigilant of the high cost of cheap thinking and unintended consequences that comes with cheap sex and easily given commitments.

 

 

Managing Gender Expectations in Relationships

Unattended Helm

“What we do not manage, we get manage by…”

The Information Age

Unlike the Industrial Age or to a lesser extent the Post Industrial Age, the Information Age has brought about and given rise to an increased demand for soft skills, the cluster of personality traits, social graces, methods of communication, and personal habits centering around enhanced relationships with other people, rather than just tasks and objective completion. While these demands are most acutely felt within the business/economic domain, they are spilling over and being absorb within the cultural and social domains as well. Simply put, highly socially skilled individuals tend to outperform, rise higher and go further within business organizations than those that are less skilled in those areas. Likewise, sole proprietors who are highly socially skilled make, have and maintain social/business relationships that ultimately make them more successful than those who are not.

Dual Gender Specialization

At the crux of the Information Age is social specialization, and in particular, dual gender specialization. Whereas the social shift involved in the Industrial Revolution was primarily a male dominated specialization shift, the social shift in the Information Age is hallmarked by the massive inclusion and rising parity of women in the work place environment and the rise of feminism within our business and social fabric. Feminism has forged some incredible benefits and opportunities for both men and women, as well as creating immense complexities socially that have yet to sort themselves out. Where they have not been resolved socially we feel a tremendous amount of friction. Nowhere is this more apparent than in today’s dating environment.

Responding to Hierarchy of Needs

Regardless of the fact that society is becoming increasingly feminine driven and in many ways women have surpassed the equality mark with regards to men, women are still not inclined to transition into gender equity with regards to dating and courtship accountability (gender equitable roles). While on the surface of it women seem to loathe to relinquish a courtship system in which the opposite gender (males) take all or at least commonly the majority of the risk of rejection, in initiating the courtship, unjustly shouldering the financial burden of the costs associated with such courtship and having to already achieved a measure of societal success, as displayed by ones’ place in society (commonly defined by one’s career/job), which is a connotation of the hypergamous status dimorphous marker of status, wealth, power and fame. The expectations transcend the initial dating rituals as well, as women typically still expect men to take the leadership role and be accountable for the health, direction and vitality of the relationship. Furthermore your failure to act upon your gender assigned role of leadership, will and quite openly will be judged as a fitness test to your worth and viability not only as a mate choice, but that of your maturity and worth as a man. What we’re witnessing here is a direct confrontation between rational cultural and social thought and biological drivers and demands. To argue against this we’re simply railing against a base biological drive and need here. No amount of rationalization, propagandization or wishful thinking will usurp the reality that women are naturally choosing biological base needs over social and cultural conventions, such as feminism, as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs dictates. Maslow’s Theory of Human Motivation speaks to this with a clearly defined order of ascension of psychological needs and when clustered, biological and psychological needs always trump social conventions of esteem and self-actualization. (take a moment to familiarize yourself with the hierarchy of needs chart). What all this is telling us, again and again and again, despite the rise and acceptance of feminism, women want us to be men, need us to be men and desire us to be men.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

 

Station Break:

Please pardon this interruption as we take a momentary station break to let this news set in… This moment brought to you by Eckhart Tolle:

“It seems that most people need to experience a great deal of suffering before they will relinquish resistance and accept reality.”

“It is incredibly painful to stand in opposite of what is…” (resisting reality)

“You can’t argue with what is. If you choose to try you will suffer.”

We now return to our regular scheduled program…

Managing Masculinity and Social Dominance

Repeated social studies have demonstrated and reaffirmed the common observation of the consistent erotic appeal of male dominance as sexual cues of attraction and desire for women, whether those are the hypergamous triggers of physical, social or status cues of dominance or ‘alpha’ traits. These base traits of desire do not diminish over time, nor are they usurped by elements making up relationship equity, such as the longevity of the relationship, emotional investment committed, resources committed such as time, energy or finances, nor the nostalgia of memories and times cherished and shared. It even usurps the common good of her offspring, the emotional wellbeing, development and security of her children. At a woman’s base biological need is a desire to be with an unapologetic masculine male- a Man. Social dominance plays such an important role in feminine attraction that manipulating this single variable socially has repeatedly shown and proven dramatic improvements in a man’s sexual market value- the degree to which he is sexually valued by women in the dating market environment.

Answer the phone…

Common sense, everyday observation and intuition regarding a man’s role in claiming his biological heritage of providing leadership, accountability and stewardship within a relationship has been backed up in virtually every scientific and social study conducted upon it and echoed by countless women when they say honestly that they “want to be treated like a lady.” That statement is an enticement, a call out for you, a longing wish for you, to be the man that fills and guides her life and her life with you. For you to simply be the man (the masculine role figure) in the relationship. Whether the analogies are being the pack leader, or Captain and First Officer or the great Silver Back male gorilla in the mist etc, etc, your gender expectation is to assume command of leadership responsibilities within that relationship and with her.

Screening & Filtering

If she fights you for this role, you shouldn’t put up with it or stand for it. Plain and simple. If she fight you for leadership control, she’s announcing her inability to appropriately partner. It’s unattractive, unfeminine and a proven detriment to the healthy wellbeing and happiness of any relationship, as proven by divorce statistics and relationship satisfaction studies, which clearly indicates an unease in the household when women wear the pants in the family. While fiscal issues a generation ago used to dominate the ‘cause’ for divorce, currently now unhinged from the requirement of ‘cause’ in ‘no-fault-divorce’, the most cited reason for instigating a dissolvement of a marriage is the wife’s unhappiness within it. Want to insulate yourself from the +50% marriage failure, with women doing +70% of the filing? Screen and filter your partner for a woman who recognizes the value of biologically driven sexual roles in a relationship and who actively supports and reaffirms those roles. Stunning concept I know… women who value, support and reaffirm ‘traditional’ values in relationships tend not to divorce.  If we want to entice and promote feminine behaviors (feminine arts) in our partners, we have to fill the leadership role first, or like any social creature, she will, and as pointed out, to everyone’s determent, if she becomes synonymous with that role.

Case of Feminist Economics

The sad reality is as our society becomes more and more feminized, and feminism becomes the defacto cultural monopoly governing our society, masculine men are becoming a scarce commodity… and more valuable because of it. Oddly that’s a plus to a man’s sexual market value, now and more so in the future. The alarm here isn’t that masculine men will create higher value and demand for relationships, but that by acting through their very nature (male), and having the leverage to do so, masculine men will chose polygamy lifestyle with younger, more attractive and fitter partners than women his age or peer group. While this has always been the case in the apex of male society, it is now becoming a staple and attainable for the common man. This is exactly what much of the men’s community and the pick-up community are promoting and celebrating. And with good cause. Furthermore women can embrace a feminist social standing, as long as their base psychological needs are fulfilled, not called into question or put into jeopardy, but once they are, and in particular within the realm of ‘safety’, their effeminate hipster/emo boyfriends and partners may become woefully inadequate, whether that threat is physical, financial, economical, or child rearing and family development side of security, her feminist leanings openly condition, support and promote partnership dissolution… often the masculine surrogate they ultimately turn to is a societal one– government. One they ultimately cannot divorce themselves from.

Ultimate Gender Expectation

Our gender schemas are deeply embedded within the cognitive and social frameworks regarding what defines masculine and feminine. While there is a multitude of socializing agents that work to formalize, instruct and guide these roles, what is apparent is the consequences of those socialized function have on our relationship structures and our relationships health and wellbeing when coupled with the very unchanging biological nature of our being. Ultimately it is an individual’s choice and obligation to take the helm of their life. To make the decision they choose fit to guide and direct it. To do so otherwise is to sail the seas of circumstances with an helm unmanned.

 

21-Convention Interview Series: Socrates: A Documentary for Manning Up Smart

Image 21 Convention Socrates Documentary

 

 

 

 

I’m pleased to announce that Anthony Johnson CEO, founder and visionary of the 21-Convention has just released the edited version of the 21-Convention Interview Series, that featured an interview we conducted for over four hours in early April. We were given a quick peek at pre-production release mid-May and many of us were highly anticipating the final edited release. I know I was! Well, wait no more!

Video link

This is really a very surreal moment in my life for me. I never anticipated anything like this, whether it was the experiences that I gained by actively trying to improve my life, the deep personal friendships that I gained, the camaraderie, the knowledge that I’ve helped people along the same path others helped me or even getting to the point where almost strangers (and now complete strangers) are seeking out your guidance, opinion or knowledge and experience within this world of dating, sex, relationships, personal development, life and life style management. I was honored and frightened at the prospects of being asked to initially speak at the 21-Convention. (click video image to watch to video)

 

Video Link

Having been the lead off speaker and attending the entire 21-Convention, meeting the attendees, sharing personal stories, fielding and asking questions, personal inquires, and the general batting around of a multitude of ideas, thoughts and concepts, I walked away realizing that I had a lot to say and a lot to give back to the men’s community.

I initially started by compiling my personal data bank of notes that I’ve taken over the course of several years and posting on more than one forum regarding inner game and relationship development. I quickly came to two conclusions; The first was that in many ways what I had to say was either not appropriate for those forums or I very much risked hijacking it. I needed my own place on the net dedicated to these thoughts, ideas and beliefs that was not going to compete with a hosted forum. The second is that the underlying wealth of collected information was so much that it wasn’t going to be easily collected, documented and edited. I simply wasn’t happy just blasting the information without a filtered awareness behind the notes and comments I collected or researched. This lead me to creating this blog. A site dedicated to the concept that committed relationships with women are healthy, natural and essential to our society and culture at large. This endeavor though should not be taken lightly or ignorantly. The results of doing so today are all around us and I personally find the consequences repugnant.

I have no illusions that I alone will be able to effect change, but I am consciously aware of the dramatic changes that have and do take place individually. I am surrounded by it. In my own life, in the lives of the men I choose to call friends and those that have sought out my and others help in assisting them along in their journey, though understanding and experiencing their life. I have made it my goal and mission to reach out and touch the lives of a thousand men, to make a difference in their lives, in their relationships and their family structure.

The 21-Convention has been an incredible initiator and incubator for establishing that concept for me, as it is also an amazing vehicle for delivering that message and content. And while I may be a speaker at these events, I am also very much an attendee and student myself, as I have and do take away so much from attending these conferences. If you are looking to find a direction in your life, to find inspiration, to achieve the idealized version of your self, as defined by you, this is the place for you.

 

 

Attend 21-Convention link