A Personal Map to the Sexual Marketplace- Full Video

A Personal Map to the Sexual Marketplace

Almost a year and a half ago I started on a journey that was to profoundly change my life and while I suspect that it would impact it, I had no idea of the journey that it would personally put me on. That journey isn’t over and to be honest has only just begun… more on that much later…

The importance of all this is the event I’m talking about is my acceptance to be the keynote speaker at the Tampa 2014 21 Convention. I knew that this was going to be an ordeal. The speakers are awesome, the subjects varied, as they are intriguing and pertinent.

I decided to take what I knew, what I believed, what I’ve come to know, roll all that up with this blog and produce a presentation that each and every attendee could personally utilize to understand the sexual marketplace, their position within it, identify where their own goals and objectives lay and how to chart an appropriate course to achieve those goals and objectives. That and it had to be easy to use and they could take it with them…

This is that presentation.

21 Convention Speakers Announced!!!

21Convention Tampa




21C Tampa







“In the absence of strenuous change, people stay the same…”

A friend of mine once commented that ‘average’ should be treated as a terminal disease…  That as soon as you begin to exceed average in your thinking, approach, decisions, the people you surround yourself with, you will immediately start influencing the quality of your life.  That has been incredibly true for me and my personal experiences with the 21 Convention.

The speakers have finally been announced and I’m not sure what I’m more excited about, my personal speaking roles as the keynote speaker or the opportunity to see this group of speakers and be personally involved with the event and attendees.  That’s over 75 individuals of character, committed to making significant impacts to their lives, in one place, over a three-day period, focused on and sharing their thoughts and concepts of excellence with each other.

Overall the 21 Convention is a tremendous incubator for learning, developing awareness and potentially addressing many contextual issues surrounding men from economic, cultural, political and biological facets of a man’s life.  It is an immersive experience that will jump-start anyone wanting to redirect their life.  Most impressively is the network of friendships you will make.  Friends who are equally committed to improving their lives and self-actualizing themselves.  People who are committed to their own agency.  As much as I truly love the 21 University videos, you just can’t obtain that by watching a one.  You have to attend.  You have to show up.  You have to commit to taking action and attend.

The speakers (which tend to be the focus of the event) themselves come from and represent specific areas of interest, which they themselves have pursued with vigor, passion and are willing to share with others beyond their speaking engagements.  This combined with an attendee audience capped at 55, provides for an incredible opportunity to have direct and personal time with each of the speakers, to relate ideas and conversations over a series of days with them and other attendees.  This creates an incredible fertile ground for these concepts to grow and develop.

If you’re looking to improve the qualitative nature and direction of your life attending this event would be an incredible investment in yourself.  If you choose to do so, please let me know, so I can have the opportunity to meet you, spend time with you and make sure that your 21 Convention experience is everything that you’ll be wanting to tell others about.


21-Convention Interview Series: Socrates: A Documentary for Manning Up Smart

Image 21 Convention Socrates Documentary





I’m pleased to announce that Anthony Johnson CEO, founder and visionary of the 21-Convention has just released the edited version of the 21-Convention Interview Series, that featured an interview we conducted for over four hours in early April. We were given a quick peek at pre-production release mid-May and many of us were highly anticipating the final edited release. I know I was! Well, wait no more!

Video link

This is really a very surreal moment in my life for me. I never anticipated anything like this, whether it was the experiences that I gained by actively trying to improve my life, the deep personal friendships that I gained, the camaraderie, the knowledge that I’ve helped people along the same path others helped me or even getting to the point where almost strangers (and now complete strangers) are seeking out your guidance, opinion or knowledge and experience within this world of dating, sex, relationships, personal development, life and life style management. I was honored and frightened at the prospects of being asked to initially speak at the 21-Convention. (click video image to watch to video)


Video Link

Having been the lead off speaker and attending the entire 21-Convention, meeting the attendees, sharing personal stories, fielding and asking questions, personal inquires, and the general batting around of a multitude of ideas, thoughts and concepts, I walked away realizing that I had a lot to say and a lot to give back to the men’s community.

I initially started by compiling my personal data bank of notes that I’ve taken over the course of several years and posting on more than one forum regarding inner game and relationship development. I quickly came to two conclusions; The first was that in many ways what I had to say was either not appropriate for those forums or I very much risked hijacking it. I needed my own place on the net dedicated to these thoughts, ideas and beliefs that was not going to compete with a hosted forum. The second is that the underlying wealth of collected information was so much that it wasn’t going to be easily collected, documented and edited. I simply wasn’t happy just blasting the information without a filtered awareness behind the notes and comments I collected or researched. This lead me to creating this blog. A site dedicated to the concept that committed relationships with women are healthy, natural and essential to our society and culture at large. This endeavor though should not be taken lightly or ignorantly. The results of doing so today are all around us and I personally find the consequences repugnant.

I have no illusions that I alone will be able to effect change, but I am consciously aware of the dramatic changes that have and do take place individually. I am surrounded by it. In my own life, in the lives of the men I choose to call friends and those that have sought out my and others help in assisting them along in their journey, though understanding and experiencing their life. I have made it my goal and mission to reach out and touch the lives of a thousand men, to make a difference in their lives, in their relationships and their family structure.

The 21-Convention has been an incredible initiator and incubator for establishing that concept for me, as it is also an amazing vehicle for delivering that message and content. And while I may be a speaker at these events, I am also very much an attendee and student myself, as I have and do take away so much from attending these conferences. If you are looking to find a direction in your life, to find inspiration, to achieve the idealized version of your self, as defined by you, this is the place for you.



Attend 21-Convention link

Relationship Marketing

“Marketing doesn’t create product advantage, it only conveys it.”

Marketing as storytelling.

Marketing in the dating sense is nothing more than the process of identifying, creating, delivering and communicating social value to potential customers, partners and society at large. It is also the art of maintaining and fostering continued relationships between all parties involved in this process, which is simply social-networking. At a basic level these all are skill sets, but at a more refined level they truly rise to a level of an art form. They are all accomplished and communicated in a myriad of ways, but all lead up to an emotional response in perception, in the form of storytelling. The people we interact with tell themselves a story, of who they perceive you to be. Marketing is the actions we take to help to influence that perception.

What story can you tell?

Marketing is more than just the art of communicating your brand. It is also the essence of the art to use your ability to use nonverbal techniques to signal a series of statements and promises of who you are and what you are about. You need to understand the biases of your prospects are, which is often defined by the sexual market place, and which totems you can then utilize to tell your story to these prospects. Your story should be a symphony, not a note… all the elements should be playing together in concert to deliver your message.

Work out your positioning.

To be truly successful in marketing yourself for healthy and productive relationships you need to know yourself and your brand. In previous posts I’ve talked about the need to analyze your psychological social development, as well as, performing relationship autopsy on past relationships, to help understand the psychological motivators and level of relationship skills that you have developed to that point. Based upon those assessments and further development, you can more appropriately start to screen and filter for healthy and productive relationships, and avoid unhealthy and potentially toxic relationships. All these elements will help to establish your positioning within the dating environment. Identifying your positioning is key to the marketing process, as it is far better to sell your product and services to customers who actually want them, than it is to cold call and cold sell potential customers who don’t and have no intention of buying what you have to offer.

Develop a tag line

You should be able to describe in a few words who you are and what you have to offer. Think of your elevator pitch boiled down to the essential. The best marketing tag lines are simple stories that are most likely to break through, the most likely to be understood and the most likely to spread. The best example of this is a close, personal friend, dating life coach, and fellow 21-Convention speaker  Right Hand Man, who will introduce himself and proffer his name three times in quick succession and literally state his tag line of ‘more fun than your last date.’ It leaves a lasting and resonating impression because it’s offbeat, aggressively original, plays to female hypergamy (desire for better) and establishes a frame/promise for what they can expect out of any relationship they develop with him, which is in perfect alignment for what he is looking for in a relationship. He then over delivers on that promise, to their sheer joy. While it isn’t necessary to state your tag line, but being consciously aware of what yours is, and what you promise as your brand to each and everyone you interact with is. Consistency in this case truly matters, as it builds credibility, which is critical in a low-trust environment, such as the field of dating, as expectations are the engine of our perceptions. Assholes are assholes, not because of their behavior, but because they fail to deliver on expectations of their promise and their customer base feel ripped off because of it.

Build visibility by raising your profile.

Most dating advice you’ll receive about raising your profile will center on developing a series of dating streams of how potential prospects come into your presence and while valuable in its basic application, it doesn’t take into account the desired outcome of ‘new’ prospects. Developing the same prospects in different social forums, such as social venues, community events, organizations & clubs, on-line dating sites etc, doesn’t help your cause, if you keep meeting the same people. You want to focus upon finding new prospects that will fit your bill for what you are looking for. This is why I think the community is seeing a huge increase in popularity of day-game, which essentially hacks into this notion of random occurrence that leads to fresh and new opportunities to meet women you’d normally never come across or in contact with.

Building your dating streams is an ongoing process.

A regular scheduled routine is better than major marketing effort swings. While the tendency is to focus on major efforts because of its promise of immediacy, it is the sum of the small efforts and small success over time that typically leads to greater overall success, whether it’s a weekly boy’s night out or regular schedule activities, as they breed familiarity with the local population groups and the consistency of your brand communication leads to referral credibility, which aids people about confirming their coherent story about you.

Great stories unfold fast

First impressions are far more powerful than we give them credit for. Great stories match the voice of the consumer’s worldview that they are seeking, and they sync right up with their expectations. Either the customer is ready to listen to what is delivered or they are not, as it doesn’t agree with what they already believe and feel. When instant romances ‘just happen’ it is due to these elements coalescing. And what the customer is feeling is everything to them, whether it is an accurate portrait of you or not.

Live it out loud

Marketing is effectively a form of storytelling, and everything you do supports that story. You must have a consistent, authentic story that is framed in terms of the worldview of the person you are telling the story to, your story must be robust enough to gather their attention and keep it, honest and transparent to provide credibility to believe in and finally you have to be prepared to live it out loud, as soft-spoken stories rarely give rise to large rapt audiences.


Picture of couple holding hands


So much of the men’s community is so focused on the male biological prerogative (picking up and fucking women) and to a degree on inner personal development, that it blindly shuns the notion of men’s desires and needs emotionally to be in relationships. This is a gross error, but one that is understandable when viewed with the prismatic lens of men’s movement history- which has too often been forced underground and yet proudly trumpets its anti-cultural/social underpinnings.

The reality is that for most men, they desperately want, need and desire to be in a committed relationship, with a woman of their choice, but unfortunately completely lack the knowledge, resources and abilities to do much about it. To make matters worse society and women are not in your corner…

Most men are presented with a choice… in Matrix parlance either swallow the ‘red pill’ or ‘blue pill’… embrace the ‘realities of life’ or stay ignorant. Of course ‘red pill’ always means embracing the sexual market place (SMP) as it is, learning game, developing ‘Alpha’ traits and fully committing yourself to a life of pumping and dumping as many women as you can… without any thought or possibility of maintaining a relationship with a woman of your desires other than a soft harem of rotating women…

Too often the men’s community is filled with social misfits, oddities and the just outright deranged… This isn’t really a fair statement, because it isn’t true, but the socially inept do stand out and they make people anxious and nervous to have them around, they get branded as such and so too does the community. The underpinnings of this, of course are obvious…. These people lack social skills… they lack relationship skills… and while the community has been outstanding (and notorious) for developing a measure of social skills it has been negligent in fostering the same spirit when it comes to developing and nurturing relationships skills.

When I had the opportunity to speak at the 21 Convention, which squarely has its roots, but has grown vastly beyond the pick-up community, I knew I would be speaking against the winds of popular opinion (Pick-up community) when championing relationship skills development. As such, I spent a considerable degree of time talking about the fertile ground relationships are for self development and men actualizing their lives as they envision them. The following is a general list of some of them;

You have to be in them to understand them.

No amount of keyboard jockeying will substitute for real world experience and application. If you ultimately want to be in a relationship, developing those skills BEFORE you’re in one, might be something you want to consider… Being in a relationship is not like observing one; being in one changes your decision making value process. You literally see and feel things differently when you’re in them as opposed to being an observer of them. While you can study them academically, being in one takes it to a completely different level. Very much like how you can learn and study on how to approach a woman, there is no substitute for field work. Same for relationships.

Acts committed without risk hold little value.

As long as you have a safety net you act without commitment- (being vulnerable and invested to one person or situation). Only acts undertaken with commitment have meaning… Only your best effort matters… No one applauds the tenor for clearing his throat. Furthermore, you cannot numb selective senses without imparting similar results to other senses… Shield yourself from vulnerability and you shield yourself from the benefits of intimacy… and those benefits are many. The greatest of which is your own humanity.

The biggest failures of the community

Most men do not go out looking for a girlfriend, but end up with one… worse yet a wife!!! If ultimately this is important to you, shouldn’t you have an understanding of how to achieve the end point (goal) other than serendipity? Most goals are achieved by having the end result in mind. No difference here, even if it’s just to improve the quality and nature of the relationships you do have.

Second most important investment of your life…

The most important investment you’ll ever have is the investments you place on yourself, the second is the relationships you maintain for life, and expressly the choice of a life partner. Your destiny hinges upon those choices… approaching them as such isn’t just smart, it’s wise…

The mirror to the self

Relationship can be amazing mirrors to the reflections of your own values, needs and abilities. They are snapshots of where you are currently at, what you’re able to develop and achieve and reflective of the values you hold. Life has a way of telling you where you’re at… Listen when life is telling you something… I learned long ago when in the Arizona desert that when you’re quite, the desert will speak. Life will speak too when you actively listen to it.

They will showcase a number elements if evaluated.

Your emotional baggage- we project onto our partners anything unresolved at a deeper level. “You complete me” is an outreach from this notion. How you think and regard yourself, others and the quality of your life. Your relationships will indicate maturity development that may need to be expanded and developed.

They are amazing testing grounds.

They will showcase your real abilities in action and under pressure. Knowledge of an issue isn’t enough. Knowledge coupled with appropriate action is. It is also well known that stress and hardship clarify commitment and awareness of those risks. You really learn who you really are during hardships.

They showcase your aspirations and dreams.

The nature and quality of your relationships will also be a reflection of your life’s ambitions… Just as ‘Steel sharpens steel’ and ‘Like attracts like’ healthy relationships will share similar values, outlooks and ambitions typically of your own. The nature of the relationship as well as whom you chose to have a relationship with will be telling of where your steering your life.

This is where the damage is done!

This can’t be overstated enough. This is where you get hurt. This is where you hurt others. Emotionally. Financially. Culturally. Often for life. The more invested you are in a relationship, the more you project your sense of self in the relationship, the more dependent upon the relationship, the more apt you are to be seriously hurt. This is where the power of injury not only can shape the life of an individual, but families, children, society and our culture. Preservation through avoidance and abstinence isn’t the answer though. Developing appropriate skills sets, awareness, and knowledge is. If we are to truly change our lives, our personal narratives, our legacy and family trees (through our children), we need to realize and develop our relationships so they are healthy and vibrant.

Developing a culture of failure.

You will make mistakes. While you cannot change the past, you can learn from it. You make your mistakes worse by staying blind to your own errors. Learning to fail without becoming a failure is an essential success trait. It’s frighteningly easy to choose the wrong person. Attraction and chemistry mixed with familiarity and sentimentality are easily mistaken for love, but they are far from the same thing. A failed relationship will underscore your weakness in a huge number of interpersonal skills. Learn to be able to identify those to then be able to address and develop them. Pair this with your strengths of what you did well and stand out in the relationship. Often they are traits you would not normally have identified as your strong suite.

Winning the client again, and again, and again.

I might be inherently lazy, but there’s just sheer economic sense in investing in quality relationships that you want to maintain for the numerous benefits that are inherent in a committed relationship. I simply have no illusion that I want to find a fantastic gal and then replace her immediately with someone else the next day… I don’t operate naturally that way, and nor do I think most guys do. The alternative is you’ve got to kill for your dinner each night. That gets old really quick, and it’s highly improbable. While ruthless economic efficiency and efficacy rules here it’s still a solid reason none the less… The real reality is that I firmly believe that guys don’t have a commitment problem… We have a commitment problem when we feel we’re committing to anything less than what we really want… Learn to develop the knowledge, skills and mindset to go after what you really want, rather than a pacifier.

Highs and low of your life have little to do with fucking…

Each of us invariably will have moments in our lives that will define a time in which we will be at an extreme high or low and several experiences near those. At times like those I doubt anyone truly wants to be standing on their own. These will be deeply troubling, soul searching moments and moment of extreme personal achievement at the end of the road less taken by. The notion that last night’s one night stand, no matter how amazing the fucking will play anything but a marginal role in those events to you is absurd. The true meaning of loneliness won’t be realized until you are at one of those points and utterly alone to contemplate and to endure it alone… Don’t be so foolishly cocksure that you ultimately regret it…