Father’s Day

Father's Day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting caught up on reading of an early release of ‘Father’s Day’…  an incredibly quick, yet poignant read regarding what is capable when a man is fully invested in his life, love and family…  You don’t have to be married to find a wealth of well grounded advice regarding life and relationships within this short tome.  In fact, you don’t have to be a Father, let alone male to find it equally informative, stimulating of thought and corrective actions to lean into…   I’m reminded of Frederick Douglass’s quote “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”  Nowhere is this better articulated than in the cycle of child into man, man into husband, husband into father, all encompassed in the state of marriage.  If children truly are our future, our marriages are the bedrock from which they will spring…  

 

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TSL Podcast Greg Swann

 

 

 

 

A Sunday afternoon spent in the Church of Splendor…

Sat down late this morning to wrap up my next blog post on ‘maintaining relationship quality’, which I’ve started and stopped a half-dozen times in the last three months… started to listen to this podcast from two mutual friends, to hear their voices again and immerse myself in the context of writing about ideas… and got lost hearing and being reaffirmed by shared values expressed in the podcast. Greg calls this church (the behavioral action of repeatedly going back again and again to remind yourself of what your values and virtues are and the acts of pursuing them). The more I think upon that and so many other ideas and convictions he shares the more I have to re-think so many ideas and ideals I once held so profoundly close. At times I’m uncomfortable with where I come up out of the rabbit hole, but I then remind myself that there is no growth in the comfort zone…

The Sexual Life Podcast-with Greg Swann

With all that being said, if I fail to post this evening it’s because I’ve chosen to spend more time with my friends, their ideas and contemplating those values as they are expressed in my life… and right now that is the most likely outcome…

Steve Mayeda- The Sexual Life

http://thesexuallife.com/the-philosophy-2/

 

Greg Swann

http://selfadoration.com/

 

Anthony & Marilee

By example.

This is an image of a man in command of his life, fully vested (having the rights to) and invested (contributed effort) completely in it. He’s become a remarkable man, living a notable life because of it. He didn’t start that way. Few of us do, but years back he took agency of his life and sought to seek and to verify his own truths, find his own way through life and to strive to become the individual he is today. It is truly remarkable due to the sincerity, conviction and conscious determination to do just that. Equally as remarkable, is that he openly shared his experiences, understandings and realizations with others and then brought together so many of us from different ages, passions and places to join him in doing the same (this blog is a direct testament to that).

It’s called leadership when you live by example and then inspire others by words and deed in efforts to support them in achieving their personal potential. It’s what makes Anthony such a valuable friend and mentor, he just doesn’t say what he knows or believes, but lives them. I intentionally created this blog to share my experience, knowledge and awareness of cultural and political context of the sexual market place, because of his influence. A very large and unspoken portion of what personally drives me is to make personal atonement to not only the people I hurt romantically in my past, because I wasn’t the man I wished I could have been and didn’t have the knowledge to voice what I can now, but also to also soothe and reassure my own insecurities, fears and anxieties about the very real risks, dangers and dis-incentives men face when facing committing to relationships in our current environment (and they are quite severe). What I am faced with by his example is a clear understanding of just how jaded, defensive and armored against living life I have become, especially with being trusting, vulnerable and open to real intimacy.

Anthony has in the past and continues even today to lavishly shower me with praise credit for sharing with him, what I knew, understood and believed about life and relationships which help lead him to Marilee and I am deeply touched by that recognition and sentiments. To be fair our relationship is far from one-sided and if anything the pendulum is now clearly swinging the other way. The stated goal and objective of this blog project for me was to “provide a stepping stone for men who desire to shape and author their lives and embrace the responsibilities in having committed relationships. In effect, those wishing to ‘Man Up!’, but doing so with wisdom and honed ability. I hope to be one voice, reaching a thousand lives, that will drive a revolution.” Tomorrow when Anthony and Marilee marry and commit their lives to each other, I will count them as my ‘first’ step towards that thousand, not because I haven’t helped others, or their level of commitment to each other, but because I have witnessed first-hand, thus know it to be true what happens when a man is determined to create the life he desires and in part I know I’ve been some of the steel that’s sharpened that man.

Ultimately what I am struck by is that as individuals we must be prepared for the realities of our world, but also learn to lay down our shields, to put down our spears, to feel the sunshine upon our faces and take our place under the sun, if we are to really live. Look again at the photo above and tell me you don’t see a remarkable man, living a remarkable life, because I sure do. …and he’s showing me by example. Our world needs far fewer Leonidas’ of the Men’s Rights Movement and more Anthony and Marilee’s. What an amazing gift they are giving each other and us as a consequence tomorrow.

300-Weathering the Storm

 

Pardon the interruption….

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The political, cultural and economic reasons why men don’t want to marry…

I’m taking a quick break in protocol in providing a link to the following video due to the fact that it is culturally time sensitive and is remarkable in clearly addressing the current cultural dating environment that men are seeing and addressing.

“Men on Strike!”

The point of this blog is to give rise and response to those men who are determined to embrace their nature/biology and take the tremendous risks associated with committed relationships and to provide some guidance to meet those.

I am fortunate to have a number of supreme examples of loving, committed and healthy long-term relationships as a basis for review. They in many ways are my rock in this swirling current of cultural misandry. But just because there are several great examples out there, the true risks are incredible and likely. Men are not treated as equal during and after divorce and the consequences are just too great. The shamming language that comes with telling men in light of these realities to “Man up!” is deplorable, but if we are to change this situation or incentives, we must first understand the reality and then openly address it, individually and then as a society.

In the mean time, I and many men like me are taking note, that it’s never been better to be a single. Single women, who want a man and a family, would be well advised to understand the nature of today’s culture and proffer an adequate response to it, in meeting men half way.

helen_smith_men_on_strike_cover