Tag Archives: Relationships

Relationship Management

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Relationship manager

 

 

 

 

 

“Think ahead.  Don’t let day-to-day operations drive out  planning.”

 

The common nature of management…

We manage things all the time; our time, our energy, our resources, etc… some things need more attention that others and what gets our focus is a form of management. Managing issues through crisis or repeat crisis’s is a form of management, and so too is procrastination. While on the surface of it most of us would recognize that both of these are probably not the most appropriate or effective, but we all do it, even though we understand that there are other ways to seek out better results, in a more efficient and effective manner. People don’t need deep expertise and experience to understand the simple concepts and framework of management, when applied on a regular basis will produce dramatically superior results, we just need a general awareness of the principles and a consistent approach at implementing them over time, to develop behavior patterns that are in sync with those actions.

Simple things over and over again…

Management is boring. Really boring. It is about performing a series of tasks over and over again to gain a determined result, while maintaining and retaining staff. Boiled down to the simplest charge; good managers achieve results while retaining people… While this may sound very simplistic, because it is, it does not underscore the depth and breadth of complex issues, competing demands and hidden expectations surrounding any management function on any level, but it is what we ultimately are striving for…

It’s about people…

Business’s have increasingly recognized this for over a century now… as society has moved past the Industrial Age and well into the information and knowledge economy, businesses have become more and more cognizant of the importance of management and social skills are to the bottom line. While efficiency management, then project management were driving themes in management theory, successful business have recognized that good managers and leaders are the single most important group for determining whether an organization succeeds or fails… So too with relationships. The ability of partners to think and act like managers by developing a solid relationship with their partner, establishing clear and open lines of communication, appropriately leading by forming a consensus through collaboration building, being accountable for decision-making by seeking out and providing direct feedback to and for each other, while reducing fear, deepening trust and increasing respect have a much higher chance of achieving their relationship goals than do couples who do not. They will have a ‘business’ that runs more smoothly, are happier and more satisfying than those that fail to.

Management as craft…

Management is a craft. It take time to learn the basics, to develop real world experience and to foster the individual culture of self-development and improvement. You will make mistakes in judgment, errors of execution and negligence of action. There’s nothing wrong with making a mistake, but you make things worse by staying blind to your own errors without correction. It is hugely important to make daily mindful choices of actively practicing what we have learned and started to develop with others that surround your life. Strong competent managers are not simply born, they are developed; through hard work, careful analysis of their experiences and relentless self-education. It is a relationship craft that doesn’t get a lot of press or attention until they are missing… and when it is, benign negligence isn’t so benign.

 

21-Convention Interview Series: Socrates: A Documentary for Manning Up Smart

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Image 21 Convention Socrates Documentary

 

 

 

 

I’m pleased to announce that Anthony Johnson CEO, founder and visionary of the 21-Convention has just released the edited version of the 21-Convention Interview Series, that featured an interview we conducted for over four hours in early April. We were given a quick peek at pre-production release mid-May and many of us were highly anticipating the final edited release. I know I was! Well, wait no more!

Video link

This is really a very surreal moment in my life for me. I never anticipated anything like this, whether it was the experiences that I gained by actively trying to improve my life, the deep personal friendships that I gained, the camaraderie, the knowledge that I’ve helped people along the same path others helped me or even getting to the point where almost strangers (and now complete strangers) are seeking out your guidance, opinion or knowledge and experience within this world of dating, sex, relationships, personal development, life and life style management. I was honored and frightened at the prospects of being asked to initially speak at the 21-Convention. (click video image to watch to video)

 

Video Link

Having been the lead off speaker and attending the entire 21-Convention, meeting the attendees, sharing personal stories, fielding and asking questions, personal inquires, and the general batting around of a multitude of ideas, thoughts and concepts, I walked away realizing that I had a lot to say and a lot to give back to the men’s community.

I initially started by compiling my personal data bank of notes that I’ve taken over the course of several years and posting on more than one forum regarding inner game and relationship development. I quickly came to two conclusions; The first was that in many ways what I had to say was either not appropriate for those forums or I very much risked hijacking it. I needed my own place on the net dedicated to these thoughts, ideas and beliefs that was not going to compete with a hosted forum. The second is that the underlying wealth of collected information was so much that it wasn’t going to be easily collected, documented and edited. I simply wasn’t happy just blasting the information without a filtered awareness behind the notes and comments I collected or researched. This lead me to creating this blog. A site dedicated to the concept that committed relationships with women are healthy, natural and essential to our society and culture at large. This endeavor though should not be taken lightly or ignorantly. The results of doing so today are all around us and I personally find the consequences repugnant.

I have no illusions that I alone will be able to effect change, but I am consciously aware of the dramatic changes that have and do take place individually. I am surrounded by it. In my own life, in the lives of the men I choose to call friends and those that have sought out my and others help in assisting them along in their journey, though understanding and experiencing their life. I have made it my goal and mission to reach out and touch the lives of a thousand men, to make a difference in their lives, in their relationships and their family structure.

The 21-Convention has been an incredible initiator and incubator for establishing that concept for me, as it is also an amazing vehicle for delivering that message and content. And while I may be a speaker at these events, I am also very much an attendee and student myself, as I have and do take away so much from attending these conferences. If you are looking to find a direction in your life, to find inspiration, to achieve the idealized version of your self, as defined by you, this is the place for you.

 

 

Attend 21-Convention link

The Brand called YOU.

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“There is only one thing worse than being blind, it is having no vision…”

Successful companies throughout the world understand the importance of brands, as do individuals who are interested in what it takes to stand out and prosper, not only in business, but on the personal front as well.

Make no mistake, in the SMP (Sexual Market Place) you are both a commodity and a service provider. As such, you have a brand; an identity/personality/personal narrative that becomes the perception that people will form about you, in relation to being with and around you and as importantly, what they can expect from you. It is your personal message to the world. It tells everyone so much about you, even before you meet or engage them that often decisions are made just upon an initial visual summary. In this regard, you will live or die by it, as a false perception of you will have the same distinction of a real one.

What is of concern here is not only identifying your brand, but specifically and properly communicating that brand, (is it clear and distinguishable?), and making sure that brand is congruent with whom you really are and whom you want to be ( is your strategy in alignment with your life goals?)… a lack of either will severely affect your results in the SMP.

Are you aware of what you are communicating through your appearance, behavior, demeanor, methods of communication and relationship behaviors and expectations?  Is your brand in line with and in alignment to where you want your life to go? If not, you need to take the time to work and develop those areas, as your results in the SMP will be a reflection of what marketers refer to as your brand experience, which is the sum of all points of contact your potential customers have with your brand.

In understanding or developing your brand, it will take several steps and analysis that include a personal attributes and values analysis, a review of current or projected brand positioning, your brand promise, an analysis of your brand presentation, the brand’s message persistence and a measure of market perception analysis to determine where your brand stands. Once determined and refined (the act of branding) you then are in a position to better market that brand towards a specific target audience, the types of women and relationships you want to be with and in. Not having and acting on a real understanding of that, you are subject to the nature of serendipity, as your sexual marketing strategy and that just isn’t smart. Nor is it typically effective.

You brand for better effect is your story and your vision for your life. To be most effective your brand shouldn’t just be a list of attributes that are communicated in short narration such as displays of higher value, but should be integrated and woven into an overall combined story that builds a powerful connection between ideas, people and actions taken. They should give context and robust understanding to the information that you provide. It needs to be a story that is succinct, powerful and captivating. It also needs to be relevant to your target audience, places you in position of worth and inspires your audience to act upon your value.

To accomplish these goals your personal branding story needs to achieve several areas of impact beyond your personal physical attributes, social skills and personal aura (displays of personality);

Project into the future

It is not enough to discuss your personal history and experiences, but rather they should be the basis and foundation of why they are going to propel you to a specific future. It should emphasize where you are going and why you are going to be successfully in getting there.

Convey relevance

Your story isn’t really about you. It’s about how being in a relationship with you, in combining your lives together are going to benefit each other. It answers your customer’s wants and needs clearly.

Confirms your credibility

Your story walks people through a learning curve of critical pieces of information that will assist them developing and confirming your credibility for answering their wants and needs in a succinct manner. Where you have specific experience in meeting the needs, wants and desires of your audience member. Where those experiences failed, what was learned and gained from them.

Creates an emotional connection

It is not enough to just list the facts, but to forge a strong emotional bond though vulnerability, candor and shared experiences, where the audience gains a heightened emotional intimacy and understanding of your story and ultimately you.

 Differentiates

Your story needs to explain exactly why you are the best choice out there, such as a measure of quality, refinement, discernment, ability, performance etc… it is any specific element that attaches value to the proposition that you are offering, that is sensitive and important to the buyer.

Promotes action

Your story needs to motivate the audience to act… to provide the reasoning why your audience should buy your brand. Often this means not just meeting a particular need, want or desire, but also removing hidden or latent fears that are accompanying and associated with the root need, want or desire that tend to block or stymie action.

Personal branding is vastly more than just ‘knowing yourself’, it is recognizing that your audience is always watching, that it matters not only what you say, but what you do as well… it is a comprehensive environment in which you are actively striking chords with people to stir their emotions and awareness of who you are, so that their imaginations are stoked and fine tuned, as to what life with you would be like, what you have to offer and are compelled to act in that regard…

THE VALUE OF INTIMATE (committed monogamous) PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

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Picture of couple holding hands

THE VALUE OF INTIMATE (committed monogamous) PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

So much of the men’s community is so focused on the male biological prerogative (picking up and fucking women) and to a degree on inner personal development, that it blindly shuns the notion of men’s desires and needs emotionally to be in relationships. This is a gross error, but one that is understandable when viewed with the prismatic lens of men’s movement history- which has too often been forced underground and yet proudly trumpets its anti-cultural/social underpinnings.

The reality is that for most men, they desperately want, need and desire to be in a committed relationship, with a woman of their choice, but unfortunately completely lack the knowledge, resources and abilities to do much about it. To make matters worse society and women are not in your corner…

Most men are presented with a choice… in Matrix parlance either swallow the ‘red pill’ or ‘blue pill’… embrace the ‘realities of life’ or stay ignorant. Of course ‘red pill’ always means embracing the sexual market place (SMP) as it is, learning game, developing ‘Alpha’ traits and fully committing yourself to a life of pumping and dumping as many women as you can… without any thought or possibility of maintaining a relationship with a woman of your desires other than a soft harem of rotating women…

Too often the men’s community is filled with social misfits, oddities and the just outright deranged… This isn’t really a fair statement, because it isn’t true, but the socially inept do stand out and they make people anxious and nervous to have them around, they get branded as such and so too does the community. The underpinnings of this, of course are obvious…. These people lack social skills… they lack relationship skills… and while the community has been outstanding (and notorious) for developing a measure of social skills it has been negligent in fostering the same spirit when it comes to developing and nurturing relationships skills.

When I had the opportunity to speak at the 21 Convention, which squarely has its roots, but has grown vastly beyond the pick-up community, I knew I would be speaking against the winds of popular opinion (Pick-up community) when championing relationship skills development. As such, I spent a considerable degree of time talking about the fertile ground relationships are for self development and men actualizing their lives as they envision them. The following is a general list of some of them;

You have to be in them to understand them.

No amount of keyboard jockeying will substitute for real world experience and application. If you ultimately want to be in a relationship, developing those skills BEFORE you’re in one, might be something you want to consider… Being in a relationship is not like observing one; being in one changes your decision making value process. You literally see and feel things differently when you’re in them as opposed to being an observer of them. While you can study them academically, being in one takes it to a completely different level. Very much like how you can learn and study on how to approach a woman, there is no substitute for field work. Same for relationships.

Acts committed without risk hold little value.

As long as you have a safety net you act without commitment- (being vulnerable and invested to one person or situation). Only acts undertaken with commitment have meaning… Only your best effort matters… No one applauds the tenor for clearing his throat. Furthermore, you cannot numb selective senses without imparting similar results to other senses… Shield yourself from vulnerability and you shield yourself from the benefits of intimacy… and those benefits are many. The greatest of which is your own humanity.

The biggest failures of the community

Most men do not go out looking for a girlfriend, but end up with one… worse yet a wife!!! If ultimately this is important to you, shouldn’t you have an understanding of how to achieve the end point (goal) other than serendipity? Most goals are achieved by having the end result in mind. No difference here, even if it’s just to improve the quality and nature of the relationships you do have.

Second most important investment of your life…

The most important investment you’ll ever have is the investments you place on yourself, the second is the relationships you maintain for life, and expressly the choice of a life partner. Your destiny hinges upon those choices… approaching them as such isn’t just smart, it’s wise…

The mirror to the self

Relationship can be amazing mirrors to the reflections of your own values, needs and abilities. They are snapshots of where you are currently at, what you’re able to develop and achieve and reflective of the values you hold. Life has a way of telling you where you’re at… Listen when life is telling you something… I learned long ago when in the Arizona desert that when you’re quite, the desert will speak. Life will speak too when you actively listen to it.

They will showcase a number elements if evaluated.

Your emotional baggage- we project onto our partners anything unresolved at a deeper level. “You complete me” is an outreach from this notion. How you think and regard yourself, others and the quality of your life. Your relationships will indicate maturity development that may need to be expanded and developed.

They are amazing testing grounds.

They will showcase your real abilities in action and under pressure. Knowledge of an issue isn’t enough. Knowledge coupled with appropriate action is. It is also well known that stress and hardship clarify commitment and awareness of those risks. You really learn who you really are during hardships.

They showcase your aspirations and dreams.

The nature and quality of your relationships will also be a reflection of your life’s ambitions… Just as ‘Steel sharpens steel’ and ‘Like attracts like’ healthy relationships will share similar values, outlooks and ambitions typically of your own. The nature of the relationship as well as whom you chose to have a relationship with will be telling of where your steering your life.

This is where the damage is done!

This can’t be overstated enough. This is where you get hurt. This is where you hurt others. Emotionally. Financially. Culturally. Often for life. The more invested you are in a relationship, the more you project your sense of self in the relationship, the more dependent upon the relationship, the more apt you are to be seriously hurt. This is where the power of injury not only can shape the life of an individual, but families, children, society and our culture. Preservation through avoidance and abstinence isn’t the answer though. Developing appropriate skills sets, awareness, and knowledge is. If we are to truly change our lives, our personal narratives, our legacy and family trees (through our children), we need to realize and develop our relationships so they are healthy and vibrant.

Developing a culture of failure.

You will make mistakes. While you cannot change the past, you can learn from it. You make your mistakes worse by staying blind to your own errors. Learning to fail without becoming a failure is an essential success trait. It’s frighteningly easy to choose the wrong person. Attraction and chemistry mixed with familiarity and sentimentality are easily mistaken for love, but they are far from the same thing. A failed relationship will underscore your weakness in a huge number of interpersonal skills. Learn to be able to identify those to then be able to address and develop them. Pair this with your strengths of what you did well and stand out in the relationship. Often they are traits you would not normally have identified as your strong suite.

Winning the client again, and again, and again.

I might be inherently lazy, but there’s just sheer economic sense in investing in quality relationships that you want to maintain for the numerous benefits that are inherent in a committed relationship. I simply have no illusion that I want to find a fantastic gal and then replace her immediately with someone else the next day… I don’t operate naturally that way, and nor do I think most guys do. The alternative is you’ve got to kill for your dinner each night. That gets old really quick, and it’s highly improbable. While ruthless economic efficiency and efficacy rules here it’s still a solid reason none the less… The real reality is that I firmly believe that guys don’t have a commitment problem… We have a commitment problem when we feel we’re committing to anything less than what we really want… Learn to develop the knowledge, skills and mindset to go after what you really want, rather than a pacifier.

Highs and low of your life have little to do with fucking…

Each of us invariably will have moments in our lives that will define a time in which we will be at an extreme high or low and several experiences near those. At times like those I doubt anyone truly wants to be standing on their own. These will be deeply troubling, soul searching moments and moment of extreme personal achievement at the end of the road less taken by. The notion that last night’s one night stand, no matter how amazing the fucking will play anything but a marginal role in those events to you is absurd. The true meaning of loneliness won’t be realized until you are at one of those points and utterly alone to contemplate and to endure it alone… Don’t be so foolishly cocksure that you ultimately regret it…